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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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village idiot

No need to worry?

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Hi. My daughter has just informed me that she is six weeks pregnant by her first cousin. I need my bigoted arse kicking by people who know better. Please tell me l am worrying about nothing and that first grand child is going to be as fine as any child has the chance to be. Then l can go back to being supportive and of some use to her. I have already told her not to worry,that l am cool with it all and to just concentrate on looking after herself and her baby. Can someone help me to understand why l can tell her that and not be convinced of it myself?

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ahhhh, don't beat yourself up too badly. you're just a mom who's fearful for her daughter and grandchild! that's normal. and it's AWESOME that you came here for information.

the good news is, yes, she's most likely going to have a perfectly normal, healthy baby. that's not to say there is no risk at all, but it's much smaller than you think. here's the break-down.

non-cousins have a 3% risk of having a child with a birth disorder. that 3% is small, but it includes every type of birth disorder there is... recessive, dominant, multifactoral, environmental, x-linked (passed from mother to son), etc.

first cousins have that same 3% risk of any other couple. in addition, they have a 2% higher risk for only one of those disorders... the recessive one. a recessive disorder is the only birth disorder that requires both parents to be carriers of the same defective gene. examples of recessive disorders include PKU, cystic fibrosis, tay sachs, sickle cell anemia, those sorts of things. that's certainly not an exhaustive list though.... it's just a few of the worst ones. a more minor recessive condition would be something like hemochromotosis, which causes a person's body to create more iron than necessary. my mom has that one. when her iron count gets too high, she has to go have blood drawn every few weeks for about three months to get it back down. it's inconvenient, but not a big deal.

here's a more complete explanation of the risks for cousins (and other people). http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=overview

be sure to click the link at the bottom to continue to page two, which includes a pretty extensive chart of all disorders and what category they fall into. you'll be able to see the names of a lot of recessive conditions. that information will help you decide if there are any disorders your daughter and nephew need to be tested for, and/or any amniotic tests that might need to be done (if any of those disorders run on both sides of the family.)

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I think it is wonderful that you came here seeking information to help you and in turn

help your daughter and nephew.  If we had more people trying to educate themselves

on this matter, those of us who have chosen to love and marry our cousins would

not be looked down on as we are by society. Specially in the western world.

Check out the information pages that LadyC has listed. Become familiar with them and the information.

Then give your daughter and that precious baby all the support and love they both deserve.

You are the kind of parent we love to see here and hope that you will help to spread the word that

cousin relationships are not weird, incestous, illegal ( in lots of places anyway) or against God.

Thank you for being here and God Bless you and your family.

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Romalee and LadyC, thankyou for your kind replies. It's good to have the help and advice. I am a wee bit surprised that other worried/concerned parents don't use the site to ask for help though. It seemed the natural place for me to search out some help and knowledge....maybe some honesty too! I did have to smile though LadyC.....l am actually the Dad! Thanks again and l will tell you and the world how it goes.

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oh! sorry dad! guess i'm the village idiot now! we do get moms here from time to time, but i honestly think you're the first dad to ever come looking for information!

you shouldn't be surprised though that others don't turn here. parents who object to cousin marriage think we're all depraved.

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Can someone help me to understand why l can tell her that and not be convinced of it myself?

Don't all parents feel this way about their kids from time to time?  I appreciate your honesty in admitting that you are not really convinced that all is well, but you are willing to research the facts and get some insight from others.

We can all empathize with your uncertainty  about cousin relationships.  Heck, just a little over a year ago, I thought being involved with my 1st cousin was wrong.  It wasn't until I was fully faced with the reality that this man may be The ONE for me that I really started looking at my beliefs on this topic with some objectivity.  You are not alone in your assumptions that cousin relationships are somehow wrong.  Here in the US we have been told that cousin-love is wrong or something that is only done in the most uneducated parts of our society and most of us never consider examining the truth of that statement; at least not until we are face to face with being in love with a cousin of our own.

You seem to be a good, loving father.  Let us know when that grandbaby is born!

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Hello all. Had a bit of a glitch on my computer which meant the site wouldn't let me in! Glad to report all is well with the idiot and more importantly his daughter and her wee companion. Not all members of the family are exactly thrilled to bits with the "situation". Why does the word "situation" sound so trite? This particular situation happens to involve another human life and whatever your views are,a totally innocent and pure brand new life. Bearing all this in mind l have advised my girl for once in her life to listen to the old man and say "screw you" to all detractors.....family or not. I will stand shoulder to shoulder with her in this because l am an angry idiot,with the small and narrow minded and also the fact that l am way too young to be a grandad :-) But seriously,l can just about remember the  hormonal turmoil and adjustments a mum has to go through anyway without all the worry and perceived stigma. She needs tranquility and calm,not rows and sermons. She told me today a bump is appearing. I told her soon she'll feel it moving!!! WOW. Take care and no doubt when l find out what sex junior is,l will be back to gush some more at you all.

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It is so good to hear of the support you are giving your daughter. And I love the advice you gave her to respond to the negative ones!!

I am curious as to the status of the father to be and the role he is playing ( or not) in all of this and how accepting you are ( or not) of

him?  I do hope he is in this for  the long haul, even if it doesn't become a committed ( is that the word I want to use) relationship

between them.

Hang in there Dad you are doing great!!

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i agree with romalee, with one tiny exception....

would you please not use the f-bomb? even with two of the letters replaced with asterisks, it's still obvious, and it did manage to skirt the profanity filter. i edited the f-bomb to 'screw' for you.

anyway, i'm glad you are feeling more relieved, and i'm very glad that your daughter has you for support. what a good dad!

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