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discreet1

I don't know what to do.

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Here's my story. Please forgive the rant, I've got nobody to talk to about this and I'm in a very dark space right now.

I loved my cousin (first cousin, her dad and my dad are brothers) since I was a little child, roughly 11 years old and she's a year older. We would play all these silly games which would always involve us ending up together in a dark place where we would kiss. As we grew older she started dating other guys but I could not see myself with anyone but her so I generally distanced myself from opportunities that would lead me away from her. We were still relatively close because we would still talk till the early hours of the morning. I was kind of jealous when she would tell me about her relationships and I would think to myself that I wished I could be with her.

In 2001, she started dating a friend of mine and we became even closer because we would all go out together on weekends. During this time I started to show a little more of how I felt for her, like a little innocent flirting here and there. Their relationship didn't last too long (about 9 months) but it did make me and her become best friends. We were inseparable. I would travel long distances, bunk classes just to see her. We grew closer and closer and then on the 7th January 2003 we finally kissed. It was the most amazing feeling of my life.

We then dated secretly for about 5 years (just her brother knew and accepted us). It had its ups and downs as expected. We both had to make people believe that we were single so there were times where people could not understand why we did not bother seeing other people, especially our immediate families. Although it was fun as our families are very close so I would stay there every weekend and could literally sleep in the same room as her.

Then in 2008 our families decided to have a meeting to discuss what they think of their own assumption of us being together. They kept on saying how wrong it is and what the other families would think of us. We obviously argued that there was nothing going on in fear of us being apart. They were convinced that there was indeed something happening between us so they banned me from staying over indefinitely. We (my two cousins and I) decided to move out of our parents house to live on our own. Our parents weren't too happy but there was nothing they could do.

Whilst living on our own, my cousin and I started to drift apart. We were still best friends but the love we shared was not as strong as it was. We mutually decided that it would for the best if we ended what ever we felt for each as she was starting to think about marriage and wanting to start a family. She then started to date a mutual friend, and as things started getting serious all those feelings I felt for her came rushing back. It was even harder as we stayed together in the same house and I would see her, the way she smiled, her laughter and all the other things I would notice when we were together. After I told her how I felt she left things with the other guy and we started again. Although in the back of mind, I knew she was never going to be really happy with me because I could not offer what she really wanted.

3 years ago I left my career to study full time at university. I had to move back home with my parents as she supporting me throughout this period would seem suspicious to the rest of the family, nevertheless we made it work. She spoilt me, I mean I never needed to get a part time job as she made sure I got what I wanted. I visited as often as possible and things were looking good. Unfortunately, it didn't last long.

Her friends and family were constantly on her case about marriage and could not understand why a successful, beautiful and kind woman was still single. This just added to the already mounted pressure of her wanting to have children of her own, after all at the time she was 30. I could also see her being unhappy a lot of the time and I knew that what we shared was not going to help. So we decided to be 'Friends with Benefits' (WORST NISTAKE EVER). What this meant was that we were both entitled to be with other people. Her friends were adamant on getting her someone so she ended up kissing quite a few guys and each time was like someone shot me through my heart. She would be offered to go on dates with some guys but she declined each time. Until last week.

All of us went out together and she met this guy. Our friends were all going on with her saying why she doesn't she give this guy a chance as he seemed like a good guy and when he asked her out. I only found out about this on the Tuesday as we again had the 'Where are we going with our lives' chat the morning. I told her I think I was ready for her to move on and that we would still be friends if anything happens. Well, she went on that date the evening and again I was broken. Dead. I unfortunately had the pleasure of sleeping there that night and was up until she got home at 04:10am. Over these past few days, she could see I was hurting and she kept on asking me if I was ok. I was trying my best to keep it in until today when she told me she is going out for supper with him again. I broke out and told her that I can no longer be part of her life. I need to get away from her as she wont be able to move on properly with me being there always trying to stop her. As she was driving to drop me at home, she begged me to reconsider and that she would give us some more time. We were both in tears. But I knew this is the only thing to do to make her really happy. I knew this had to be done. It was as if my mouth was moving on it's own because every time I said something, my heart broke further.

What I didn't tell her is that how much I still loved her. How much I wished she would say that we should just leave everything behind and move. How much I need her in my life. How my life is going to be a complete standstill as all of our friends normally relax at her place, which means I have nobody. How I would do anything for her. But I couldn't say these things, I knew if I did - she would only give up yet another chance of being with someone who could make her really happy.

So now I'm stuck at home. She's on a date. Parents are oblivious. I can't eat. Tried some sleeping tablets, not working. Cried a few times in the bathroom. I'm constantly checking my phone hoping to see a message from her. Facebook and Gmail is open too. I know. I know. This is wrong. But I don't know what to do. It still feels so unreal, as if when I wake up tomorrow she will be here. With me.

So again, I'm sorry for this - I just read somewhere that it's good to vent and unfortunately I've got nobody to speak to. I don't know if I can do this. I wish I had a huge amount of money where I can just pack my bags, leave to another country and never look back.

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Hi Discreet1,

I'm sorry for all the heartache you've been going through, especially with the recent events. It seems like you're sacrificing yourself over and over again to make everyone else happy. Now you're left on the bathroom floor crying, with no appetite and sleeping pills as an option. Of course it's an emotionally trying time, but step by step you need to build yourself back up before you can tackle the relationship issues.

First and foremost, you should still see she still cares for you. She's helped you out, worried for you, and ultimately cried for your leaving. I can't help but think that she's secretly scrambling to try and place all of her emotions in order as well. I can safely say that I've been in a distantly similar position as she, and it's frightening. Wanting to keep a relationship alive is hard work, but add it to familial pressures and the "stigma" of it being with a cousin, and its a recipe for heartache. It's hard to confess your deepest emotional worries, especially to someone you've been so connected to. Let her collect her own thoughts over the recent events as you collect yourself as well. Which brings me to the next issue: You.

I admire your love and care for her. Your willingness to let go for the sake of her happiness is incredible. But you're taking a toll on your body and mind. I assure you from experience (I'm sure you've had your own as well at some point) that without food, bad emotion turns into hysteria. If you need to force feed yourself, do it. If you need to call someone and tell them to do it, do it. For your sake, keep yourself fed. A little something in your belly will do you no harm.

Unfortunately, there's no magical solution to feeling better. No potion or elixir. There's only a day by day accomplishment. Try your best to keep yourself occupied by watching movies, doing some housework, being physically active, etc. If you need to cry it out, then cry your heart out. There will be a point where you cannot cry any more. It stinks to be in that position, but sometimes you need to just get it all out. You'll become more level-headed after a few days. You'll be sad, but the world will still be revolving and waiting for you.

When things finally calm down, have an honest conversation with yourself. Do you honestly want to let her go? Do you not want to let her in your life at all? How much, if at all, will you contact her in the future? Visiting her/family? These are all things you could ask yourself.

If you get stuck, either thinking about her or about what you want, consider writing a letter (to yourself or to her). Let your mind flow as if you're having a conversation with her (or yourself). Write it down. Write down that you miss her. Write that you are angry at the situation. Write down that you're confused and you just want some time to figure it out. Save these letters and reflect on them in the days that come. You will, in time, be able to answer your own questions and concerns. If you come to realize that you truly want to let her go (despite your sadness and upset), write a letter to yourself explaining why you decided this. Tell yourself why you're set in your thought and will carry it through. Say at length why it's best. Expressing yourself is a must, and I've come to understand that this method is incredibly therapeutic and psychologically sound.

You always have support here, and if you ever need to vent, feel free to message me and just talk away.

I wish you the best of luck, and do your best to take care of yourself. It will be a struggle, but you do have support and no matter what, things will work out for the best.

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Just an update of my story:

I'm drifting in between emotions right now. What makes it worse is that I've been staying over at her place because I can't endure not being with her (which I know is only to my detriment).

Yesterday morning whilst driving to the train station I lashed out at her. I told her that I hated her for the times where she went out kissing other guys, how she should be thankful that someone like me came into her life who loved her so much and how she can just go on and hurt me like this. She was crying and she couldn't say anything. Before I got out the car, I showed her a picture I've kept of the two of us (my fondest memory) and told her that I am planning to throw it away as soon as I can. She grabbed and said she'll keep it. When I eventually got out the car, walked a few steps, turned around and saw her, my heart sank. I just wanted to run back and hug her. But I walked on, with a huge lump in my throat.

I left varsity earlier because I couldn't stand what I did to her. I promised myself that when I got home, I would call her to tell her how sorry I was. Then just before my station to get off, she phoned me and told me she also left work early and that we needed to talk. She was going to pick me up and we should drive out somewhere to talk. I was nervous as I was sitting and waiting for her because I knew - it's either a talk about being together or she's moving on. I knew that it's going to be the final talk.

She then she arrived at the station and we drove out to the beach. I immediately told her how sorry I was and she told me that she understands where I was coming from. She told me she also now feels a heavy loss and she never knew that she still loved me so much. She understands that wanting me in her life is selfish as I will never be really happy. She was so confused. She then told me how happy it felt when she was holding this guy's hand when walking around in public and how happy she felt when our family and friends asked her about him and she could tell them. But what she said afterwards was the killer. She said that she is hurting, real bad. She knows that she can just leave him and we can be together again but then two months down the line she will just continue feeling sad. Sad that she can't have what she always wanted, a wedding and family. Moving away was something she considered before, she admitted, where we can be together without the stress of the family. But now she just can't. She wants to still have a good relationship with her family. So she does not want to jeopardise something that could potentially blossom into something good with this guy as she feels she is getting older and time is not waiting for anybody. We were both in tears by then. I could not speak. I held her hand but could not look at her. The tears were rolling down my face. She told me that while she was at work, she thought that she should give us another chance as the pain she was feeling was unbearable. But as she was on her way driving to pick me up she started to realise what she really wanted. She told me how sorry she was for hurting me and that it was never her intention. She wished she never felt the need for the things she wanted in life, but unfortunately that is what she wants and the desire to have that overpowers the love she has for me. At that time I was filled with regrets. Regrets of how I never made the most of the time when were alone together. How I never told her beautiful she looked. How I never really showed her how much she really meant to me.

We were there for about 2 hours but it felt so short. We had to go home because her younger brother was at home and it had to look as if we were coming home from work and varsity. When we got there, we had to hide our grief and act as if everything was still normal. Her brother jumped in a shower and we were alone again. We were sitting on opposite couches and stared at each other. She asked me what's wrong and I told her that I wanted to kiss her. I told her that I know it's wrong, but I need to. After a minute or so, she got up and came to sit beside me. We kissed. What I felt was the same feeling I had when we first kissed. It was intense. After a long time, I really kissed her. Parted her hair, held her face and body close. When we stopped, I hugged her and cried. I cried as if I just heard the news that I had lost her forever. I literally cried her should full of tears. After a few minutes we heard the shower door open and I ran to the bathroom to wash my face and gain some composure. We didn't really speak about it again the evening. I took some sleeping tablets hoping that due to my past week of restless sleep I would finally be able to get some proper rest. We watched some series and I fell asleep. A deep sleep. Unfortunately, I woke up at 03:00 am again and found myself watching her sleep. She would wake up, see me looking and go back to sleep. My mind was running away with me.

I kept thinking things like how he is going to make her way more happier than I ever could even though I always wanted to and how I will be there to see all the happiness. How our friends and family will be gloating as to how perfect this guy is. How she will forget about me even though I am still there yearning for her. How every time they'll be together, I would feel like that should be me and her together. How I know that even if go to sleep, I know I am going to wake up and nothing has changed.

She didn't do anything wrong so I can't hate her. Even if she did, I could never hate her. I love her too much.

So today, I couldn't find the strength and energy to face the world so I stayed at home. I laid on the couch watching her get done for work this morning. Her appetite to eat has also been affected so I just found myself staring at her for a long time whilst she was eating her cereal. Before, when she would leave the house, I would normally greet her with a big friendly smile and tell her goodbye. This morning, I could hardly smile let alone say goodbye. If possible, I would have drove with her to work and fetch her again just so that I could spend at least 2 hours of the day alone with her. Even if it meant we could do nothing but just sit in silence and think of 'what if' scenarios in our heads.

I sent her an email this morning: "I didn't fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway. And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.

PS. Didn't have a good night, so I thought I rather not go in. Although I really wanted to go because I do very much like having to spend two hours alone with you driving, even though nothing can be done."

She replied: "Don?t make me cry with all this sweet words?You are really making this so hard for me? I am so confused?"

I replied back: "I'm sorry. But I can't just let you go. For a love this strong, won't it be wrong of me not to try. I'm afraid that if I didn't try, I will regret it for the rest of my life."

She is most likely going to see him over the course of this weekend and my body goes into a frenzy of shock just thinking about it. I have to be here this weekend because her other brother, who I am relatively close with as well, is staying over.

I feel like I am getting better, but it could be a false feeling of hope perhaps. I have been sleeping here the whole week, she has been telling me that she still loves me and we did also kiss. I'm so scared to go home, because I feel like if I leave her she will move on quicker and forget about me. I don't know, but for me it feels like when she sees me she is reminded of what we had and that maybe something might change in her.

Moving away is a tricky situation. It is not something that can happen overnight, costs a lot of money and there's no guarantee in getting a job somewhere other than here. So I've come to realise that and I'm trying to make my body understand that too. I need to make myself strong for the inevitable future of heart ache and pain.

Funny thing is that her ex's parents were first cousins. She also knew a few friends who married their first cousins. It's legal here. However, personally I can say that her father does not like me. He never said it, or does he intend to but I can feel the tension is there whenever he is near. Nobody else knows it, he hides it very well but I know how he feels. Honestly, I don't think they will take it very well. Both my father and her's are very old school in terms of discipline and very set in their ways. They would most likely turn their backs on us. My mother can hold a mean long grudge. Her mother however seems least like she would worry (although it does not mean she will be too happy about it either). I'm sure our siblings would be fine, like I said before - we all do things together. I can pick out a few friends who will be ok with it and the others who will not. But all this is pointless if she is not willing to take the chance.

If I'm going to try to win her back I will need to act soon as I feel like the longer she will spend time with this new guy, the further she will push her love for me away. She is a very, very strong emotional person. So when she cries, she really means it. And when she needs to move on she will do anything she can to do so, quickly and effectively.

I've shown her this site before, during our first break up a long time ago. We have even researched all the problems that could arise, guides and tips, ect. together.

She would never want to leave here. I remember her saying that when she would go overseas on holiday, she would get homesick. She wants to be here, with everyone. Funny thing I just remembered now is that when she used to go on holiday, how lost I felt that entire month without her. My sister would tease me and say jokingly how I've lost my other half and now I'm depressed without her.

It's my birthday next week Tuesday. All I can think of how bad it's going to be. The world just just gets duller each day. I don't know how much more my body can take. If only there was an escape to this pain.

Thank you again for allowing me to vent. It gives me so much relief. Albeit for a short period, but relief none the less.

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I am new here and have not posted my story as what began as something beautiful has become a sad event.

I cannot even post about it yet. Discreet1 I feel similarly as you feel. I wake up all night long and think of him.

I am barely eating or doing anything I should be doing. I find myself crying so much. I have developed a skin rash on my face this past week. All due to the stress of being separated from my cousin. He though now says he does not know how he loves me after first saying he wanted to marry me. Anyway, I send you healing vibes.

Please know you are not alone.

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I'm so sorry to hear that Sugarpuppy. But as ForYou mentioned above, try to eat something. Even if you have to force it down. 

I've already lost 5kgs over the last 10 days - and that's with forcing food down my throat. I sleep on average for 3 solid hours per night and the rest is just tossing and turning. It's like no matter what you are doing, the thought of losing her is always there. When people talk to me I zone out. They say try and keep yourself active by doing things but it doesn't work either.

I hope your cousin realises he made a mistake and comes back to you again.

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Unfortunately, my time has come to en end. She has decided to move on. I'm not going to get into the finer details. I'm completely lost. She told me that she needs to move on with her life. She can't tell the family what she wants. She's going to try things with this new guy.

I don't know how I am going to cope with still seeing her so much. I don't know how I am going to cope with seeing her together with him.

It was an intense few days with her. I was around all the time waiting for her decision. I somehow never thought that this would be the outcome. In my mind I'd picture us together, forever.

She's sound asleep in her room now and it hurts to know that I can't lay with her. Just to hold her.

She's going out with him tomorrow. She said that she really needs to see where this is going. We both decided that it's for the best as this is what she wants. She does not see herself hurting the family by being with me.

We were all drinking earlier and for a brief moment the pain went away. We were even joking about her and her new found friend. But now the pain has struck back.

I don't know how to live without her. Tomorrow our families are planning a big lunch after which she is going out with him. I told a lie to everyone and told them that I have assignments to work on. I just can't see her with him. Not now at least.

I miss her so much already. The way we shared everything together. This I know is going to be my one true love. The love I will never ever share with anyone again. I will ALWAYS love her. Forever and ever in my heart.

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Discreet1. I am so sorry she has made that decision as I know it is

hurtful for you. I only slept 2 hours last night and had nightmares.

I understand how you feel except my cousin told me when we first saw

each other he was at the end of his marriage and only had to sign

divorce papers. Before he left he revealed he was actually not truthful

with me and his wife was waiting at home for him, or whatever.I felt like an idiot to

say the least and now he is hundreds of miles away with her or some

other woman. Being far away is hard because I feel as if I had no

closure. I can only imagine you being with her and this new person.

I would try to remove myself from it if you can. It would be too much for me.

I am sure others here are more apt to have better insight.

I am so sorry you are experiencing this, sending peace to you.

P.s. I apologize for the spacing but I am typing from

my phone.

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So more news to tell.

Firstly let me tell you that being totally heartbroken like I was yesterday is no joke. The feeling that you just floating around aimlessly with no nobody to turn to for help is a nightmare. And the fact that you have a sensitive stomach does not help either.

So after spending the entire night researching on how to get over this feeling, of which I may add is of no use in our situations, I decided to stay in and just try to gain some strength (mentally and physically). Around lunch time she called me and asked if there was anyway we could meet up to talk. I declined politely as I could not bear to see her again. At least not so soon after I practically forced myself the entire night to stay away from her as long as possible. She accepted this and ended the call. Then 30 minutes later she called again.

When I answered, she asked first: "Are you alone now? Can you speak freely?" When I heard that I knew something has changed. She then proceeded to tell me what had happened yesterday after she dropped me at home. She told me how she was suffering the entire day with this situation. At one point she even had to excuse herself from a conversation as she felt an immense sadness. Later on the evening this 'new guy' came over to her house to visit. Luckily for me, a lot of friends were there too so I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I heard that. She told me that even when he was there, she didn't feel right. She then started to think about us. How she could leave someone that loves her so much. How fortunate she is to have me in her life. I was in silence. Dumbstruck.

Then she sent a message to this new guy telling him that she can no longer see him as her ex has come back into her life and she needs to sort things out. He replied that he really hopes she will reconsider as he really likes her, blah blah blah. What she is planning to tell everyone else is that he is going to try and fix things with his ex and that he wants a bit of space. All I could mumble on the other side of the line was: "WOW." I then told her that I couldn't get away today, but would like to see her tomorrow evening.

When the call ended, the world just got a little brighter, my body stopped trembling and my heart felt lighter again. I was smiling uncontrollably. I could feel how the knots in my stomach slowly disappear. I was getting back to normal again. I was getting the love of my life back.

But it didn't last. What hit me next was a huge wave of guilt. Guilt of me robbing her true happiness. Am I being selfish and sort of forcing myself on her when she could of moved on? Does this mean I love her less because of the guilt? How suspicious this whole break up is when I've been moping around this entire time they've been together and now suddenly I'm back to normal again. What if someone we know sees this guy and they start to ask each other questions and somehow this whole 'lie' comes to surface?

So tomorrow, I feel it would only be right for me to ask her if this is what she really wants. If she is willing to be with me forever. If she is uncertain, should I let her go? Will I be doing the right thing? What is the right thing to do?

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hi discreet1,

  I am happy that you got some positive news with your phone call! :smiley:

I am certainly no expert, but since I saw your post and I have been going though some of the same

psychological hell you have been experiencing, I felt I'd reach out. Since I am dealing with the 'break up'

with my first cousin whom I will love forever.

I just think if you do proceed to see her please make sure she is telling all the truth about her situation

with this 'guy.' I am not saying she is not, just protect your self and make sure all she says is true.

Feel her out, as in her vibes, if you can see through love as I know it is hard. Remember how badly

you have felt the last few days and know if things go badly again you will experience these emotions again.

You all try to both be truthful with each other. I know you can, but lies are not good for a relationship.

Exactly why does she have to lie about this guys activities to justify her move with you? Unless it is

only family  related, you know?

All I can say finally is that I want you protect your heart, but also follow your heart.<3

I understand how you must be feeling and I wish you the best no matter what you do. :smiley:

Get some rest before you meet her if you can. You need to think clearly.

Keeping you in my thoughts descreet1. Good Luck!

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I'm probably a little late, but I just wanted to say that love is never wrong. Telling her how you felt was not selfish. From the sound of things, you respected her decision to move on, even when it was tearing you up inside. If your love for her really moved her heart, then relish in it.

But what she wants isn't going away. Sooner or later, you'll need to face your families. Going against society isn't easy. If you love each other, you're gonna have to fight for it. Clearly a secret relationship isn't enough. My advice? Show her you have no fear. That you're not afraid to fight for her. And mean it.

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My first cousin and I have not spoken in a month. He promised

I would hear from him in a month. So it seems that statement was just another lie he told me. I am coming to terms with this situation and feel as if I have been lied to and used by someone I should be able to trust. At this point I don't feel like I need to continue a relationship with the rest of the family. His Mom is my deceased Dad's sister. My father died when I was 12 years old of a sudden heart attack when he was 45 years old and I feel my cousin disrespected my father's memory. Also disrespecting others in his life and my life. As I truly loved him and believed in his words of love.It is just a terrible experience and I will never trust anyone in my family again. I am deprogramming my mind from this memory and experience. Period.

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Hey guys, sorry for the late update. A lot has happened since then...

We did eventually speak about this last week. I had to force myself to ask her how she felt because deep down I knew what her response would be. When I finally asked her, she broke down again and told me that she is trying her best to see a future with me but she just can't. She would not be able to face her family and society with her decision to be with me. She told me that over the years she has been burying her love for me so she could move on. At that point I knew there was nothing I could do as I did my best to win her back over the days before.

Last week Friday we all went out. It was something we planned as a group to do before all this happened. I told her that I didn't have the energy to pretend to be happy the entire night when I'm going through the most difficult time of my life. I just wanted to be alone and sulk. She told me that she wanted me to go with and maybe it would help. I tried my best to not go with, complaining about stomach aches, assignments that had to be due soon and even just being a total a55 with everyone hoping that they would just leave me alone. Unfortunately it didn't work and I had to force myself to go with.

Alcohol, alcohol and more alcohol was all I wanted when we got there. I thought I could numb the pain and try to eventually forget this whole nightmare by getting myself drunk.  Whilst we were there, I was following her around like a puppy on a leash hoping she would somehow just turn around and take me back. STUPID ME. As the night continued together with the copious amounts of alcohol, her younger sister told me that her brother told her that he could see something is going on between us and that we both have been suffering. When she told me this, the tears just came bursting out and I was sobbing uncontrollably. She was obviously confused as she didn't know she would receive this kind of reaction. I told how much I loved her sister and that I need to be with her. My sister then came and was just as confused. She took me outside and I told her everything, from the beginning to now. I then stayed in the car and my sister went back inside. I eventually passed out of the alcohol and found myself waking up on the sleeper couch the morning. I couldn't remember most parts of the night besides speaking to my sister and hers, but somehow I could feel something else happened too.

As soon as I got up, my sister dragged me to the bathroom and told me what is my plans now. I told her I don't know and then she grabbed my cousin and they then spent for what seemed like eternity in her room. Eventually they came out and my sister quickly grabbed her car keys and offered some friends a ride home. Her two brothers were still sleeping in the room and my cousin called me back into her room. She told me how hurt my sister felt. How my sister finally understood how I gave up working overseas for her, how we both never had a serious relationship for so long, how we would treat each other as if we already a couple. She also said that my cousin needed to decided to either be this guy or be with me. However if my cousin chose the latter, then we would need to move far away. She also told my cousin that she cant stand seeing me this way and that she needs to make a decision as soon as possible. My cousin told me that she doesn't know what to do and that she needs time to think.

Her brother (the one approved of our relationship before) eventually woke up. He then started telling us what had happened when we came home, as she went straight to her room and I assumed I just passed out on the couch. Apparently, I got up and walked to the fridge and when I saw the photo of my cousin and this new guy on the door I broke down and cried again. But this time I did it in front of two of our friends and both her brothers. I kept on saying how much I loved her and how much I needed her in my life. Her younger brother (the one who disapproves) and I almost got into a fight because he was saying how wrong it is and that I am robbing her of her happiness. Eventually we stopped arguing, I fell asleep and her brother was speaking to the younger one about how he should accept the way I am feeling for her and that I am not taking away her happiness when in fact it is society who is the cause to our unhappiness.We were both in shock. I knew something didn't feel right the morning with our friends but I didn't expect this. Her brother then told us that if we want to get married then we should. Who cares what the family says. Who cares what anybody says. Why should we suffer for everybody else.

Once he left to go home, I went to check up on her younger brother who at the time was still sleeping. I then came back to her room and she told me to sit down beside her. She took my hand and told me that she wants me back. She told me that what her brother said made her realise how lucky she is to have me. How I am willing to give up everything for her, whether it be family to be together or staying away from everyone if she decided to move on with this guy. She then told me that obviously now that she got to experience something real with this guy, she would like that with me too. She planned our move away together, where we would stay and when we would move. At that point I didn't know what to feel. Just moments ago I could feel how I had lost her forever as she was adamant on not being with me and then suddenly this. I didn't know if I should kiss her, smile, cry, jump for joy.

Nobody has spoken a word about what had happened that evening and everything is back to 'normal'. We have all still gone out together and I could sense no awkwardness among any of us. Could it be that they have already accepted the fact of us being together? Either way, I'm happy for friends like them.

So about 11 days has passed since then and I have totally forgotten about the heart ache I once had. She hasn't told me that she loves me yet and I can understand. She has only recently opened up to these feelings and I am by no means going to force her. This however does not mean that I've stopped telling her how much I love her. I constantly show her how much she means to me, if not by words then by the way I hold her, look at her and even by the things I do for her. She means the world to me and I cannot wait to finally be there for her the way she really wanted me to. I cannot wait to be her husband. I cannot wait to be a father to our kids.

I would like to thank everybody here from the bottom of my heart for helping me through this difficult time and I'm so happy with the way our little story has only just begun.

Sugarpuppy - I sincerely hope that your cousin will eventually come back to you. But if not, please be strong. I know it's hard, as you know I've been there. You just have to take it one day at a time. It might sound as if I'm just repeating what you already know but that is the only thing that will help. It might be an advantage for you that he is no longer close to you. As they say, 'out of sight out mind'. This was an approach that was highly recommended to all breakups. Use this site to vent. I'm sure our fellow cousin couples will gladly help.

DazednConfused - Indeed showing her how much I wanted to be with her when I cried in front of everyone was a sign as to how far I would go. Even though I was drunk at the time, at least it came out. I really feel that it was the turning point for her and I would have done it way earlier if I had known.

ForYou - You have been my rock. A virtual shoulder to cry on. Your guidance and counselling helped me come to terms with the situation, whether it was to pursue her or just to calm myself down. You have a been a real blessing. I really appreciate all that you have done for me.

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I am so very happy for you discreet1!😀

I hope all works out very well for you and your precious cousin!

In my case it is not out of sight out of mind as I was trying to have Relationship with my deceased Dad's family.

So it is like they have betrayed me twice and it is terrible. After 18 years and then he chooses to lie and hurt me again, and is a coward as he cannot even talk to me in person, but he had no problems jumping in bed with me and promising a bunch of lies. My aunt's birthday is tomorrow, my Dad's sister and I don't even want to call her to wish her a happy birthday now. I don't want to hear about him and his life so I cannot reconnect with them after all this time. I do have three cousins from my Dad's side whom I love and they live right in my same town,but I cannot even talk to them now because of this affair. Anyway, this site should be happy and for cousin couples and I am not in a relationship with my cousin so I don't really belong here. I am on a dark hole and just bring others down now. So I wish everyone the best.

    Thanks for wishing me well discreet1. I am happy your cousin love is sincere.

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You're not the only one in a dark hole. I'm joining you in there and will be by your side, too!

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