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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest john smith

i need help

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sorry for so much text but i was very detailed

but I don't know what to do anymore,

I am a 18 yr old male, and for nicknames I'm dog, and I have this cousin of mine, she is older than me by a couple of months, 6-7ish, I've called her kitten sometimes

so this story goes, I first met her and her siblings when I was 10-12 can't remember anymore, they started living with us cause they came from someplace else, they stayed with us for a while but I just thought, more cousin's, cool, but around the time I was around 13, they settled down where they live right now, and before they stayed where they are now they moved out of my house and lived in apartments, and I guess that's where it happened, I started feeling a certain way to her because we began to be closer, not just me with her but my siblings with them, I didn't think anything of it at the time though, I thought it was just a crush, and I might have been right but time went by and by the time I was 14, we threw this party for my uncle, and of course everyone came, I danced with her 2 or 3 times that day, we're Hispanic by the way, so we danced something called cumbia and bachata, and I was so stupid, I told her the very next day that I liked her, stupid move I know but I was young, anyway

that was about 4 years ago and but I really don't know when I definitely started to like her, but I'd say 5-6 years or so, anyway, where they live now is like an hour and a half away so we see them like once a month if we're lucky, but ever since I've told her I liked her, obviously she started to avoid me and there was a time where we didn't talk for a whole school year, not even on Christmas or any other holiday, but we started to talk more and visit more often, and everytime I've visited I always look at her so much more differently, but she has to, but this is the messed up part,

every so often i would say things like, "I want to kiss you" "I want to go out with you" but she would say no because she thinks its weird for cousins to do that, i understood, but the best thing (in my opinion) i did was say, I'm done, I realized that I was basically running around in a circle and not getting anywhere with her, she said okay, and that was about a year ago, but the 4th of july I hugged her goodbye, that was the first time we hugged in a long time, honestly i felt weird but we hugged goodbye like 3-4 times, i wont lie after the first one i wanted to keep hugging her, ever since i decided to get it out of my system, and since then I've told myself that i would try to kiss her once, at least once, and the reason I'm writing this is because I'm fucking confused, recently like a few days ago I visited them by myself, and there place is big (2 stories) and i had so many chances to kiss her, i was playing with my cousin 14 for a bit, but he had to go outside to help his dad, i went into her room and she asked me about some dresses on her phone that she saw was on sale, at that moment she was on her bed, i was on the floor, her sister was in her room, mother downstairs, father and brother outside, we talked for about 10 min, enough time for me to make a move, but i was too scared, i also saw her pull her shirt down to cover her stomach, so i figured, you know, but then i had another opportunity, she was done taking a shower and her brother went in next, sister still in room, mother downstairs, father outside, and she was alone in her room for bout half an hour, door was open the whole time (she was already dressed)

my point is, i had chances to kiss her but i didn't do anything, am i a wuss, or what, cause im confused as f**k on what to do

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I think it's good that you haven't kissed her yet.

You've been toying around with these emotions for her for a long time and you are nervous about how you feel.  That's perfectly normal. It doesn't sound like she is into you, though.  In many ways your story is similar to mine (except I'm MUCH older than you now);I had feelings for my cousin when I was quite young.  The difference in our stories is that, even though I thought cousin-love was wrong at the time, I was still very much attracted to him and let him know it and he did the same in return.  If I didn't have romantic feelings for my cousin, I would've said something to him similar to what you're cousin said:  It's weird for cousins to do that.

Nothing in your post indicates to me that she is sending you signals that she is interested in you.  I fear you may be experiencing unrequited love.  Your instinct to let this go is a good one; She did not balk when you told her that's what you were doing.  It seems like she very much values your friendship, but is not interested in a romantic relationship with you.  You would be wise to stop pursuing her in that way and focus on your friendship.  If you continue to figure out ways to kiss her, you may lose your friendship in the process. 

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