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emmierayne

first cousins, What do we do?

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I just started dating my first cousin. The son of my mother's brother. We originally didn't know if my mother was actually related to her siblings so we had a dna test done. Now I have 3 kids but cant have anymore and he has 2. His ex wife is threatening to take their kids if he stays with me and forbids my kids and me to be around their kids. He disobey her and they fight a lot. We both have had strong feelings for each other since we were very young bit neither one of us was sure if the other felt the same. About a month ago he messaged me through Facebook and then came got me from a concert where I felt unsafe. And I just blurted out how I felt. He sighed and said he felt the same. We talk and text all the time. We are really happy together and the kids love being around each other and us. I keep thinking about walking away to make sure he don't lose his girls. And every time I think about it I feel completely miserable.  What do we do?

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first of all, check to see if you're in a state that allows cousin marriages. if you ARE in such a state, then his ex has absolutely no leverage. even if you don't, she can't keep the kids from him without a court order or SHE will be the one in contempt of court for withholding visitation.

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emmierayne,

I took the liberty as a Mod of following LadyC's advice, and I had a little peek at which State you are in. You didn't mention it, so I won't either, and I didn't check your profile to see if you have it there either. It doesn't really matter anyhow. If my look-up is correct, you are in a State which does not allow cousin marriages, but, doesn't consider it criminal incest. In other words, you can have whatever nature of a relationship you choose, other than husband and wife, even (if you were still able) having a house full of yours, mine, AND OURS. The State OR the Ex can't stop you. The Ex CAN stir the puddin', and poison the impressionable young minds of the children, but, running off at the pie hole and doing so is about all she can do. If the Ex withholds visitation, if I were him, I would immediately file paperwork on her, having her held in contempt of court. She, her lawyer, his lawyer, and the judge may all have an aversion to cousin couples, but, the law does not, other than marriage. On the outside chance that a judge would rule in her favor, I would immediately appeal that decision. Sooner or later, she WILL get a smack-down on it, and a judge will tell her in no uncertain terms to cut the crap. Should she break THAT order, she could find herself in The Cross-Bar Motel, and HIM having custody....... :wink:

Tell him to stop fighting her over this. No good will come from arguing with her over it. He can tell her "We can't get married, but it isn't criminal. Withholding visitation constitutes contempt of court, and that IS criminal. You can keep the kids from me, but we will be back in court, and you aren't going to like the judge telling you the same thing. Get over it already. That is the end of this conversation." And then drop it. If she keeps it up, ignore her, and go about your business until she steps off in it. Let her do what she thinks she has to. Be sure the kids continue to enjoy their visits, and time together with you and your children. If they are stressed about their mother's behavior, make as light of it as reasonable. Ask them "So, what do you think? Do you enjoy being here with us? Do you see anything wrong going on here?" The kids will filter out the BS fairly quickly.

If you want, PM me, and let me know what State you are in, so I know I have the right one, and I'll send you a link to that State's incest statute, so you can see that cousins are NOT listed. Make a copy of it, and have him speak to his divorce lawyer. Tell the lawyer that, while he/she may not agree with cousin relationships, they are NOT criminal, and he will not tolerate further belligerence and possible contempt of court out of his Ex. Even if the lawyer is not on board with your relationship, I have a feeling he/she would crank out a letter explaining the consequences of violating the court ordered visitation, either to her, or her attorney. That should be all it takes to stop the shenanigans. If not, back it up if need be....

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