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Guest marla45

my cousin broke up with me

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I am 24 he is 26. We grew up together. I've always felt this attraction towards him but never thought of actually doing anything with it. Until a couple of months ago he kissed me. He told me he had been wanting to do this for a while. I freaked out a bit and told him i could only see him as a cousin. But with time i started thinking of him and kept wanting to see him more often. Until finally i confessed i had feelings for him but was too afraid to face the family. That i would rather keep our relationship the way it was because i didnt want to lose him if it didnt work out. But i gave in. We started a relationship. He was very sweet and before we had a month he broke up with me and now wont even look at me. He told me to forget everything and move on. But it is tough since i see him alot and everytime i see him i wish i could just run up to him and hug him. What could i do to move on? Should i stop going to family events?

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It sounds to me like he wanted you as long as there was some mystery and a sense of taboo surrounding the relationship.  But as soon as you decided to go full throttle,  banish the secrecy and pursue an actual relationship, he bailed.

Good bye and good riddance is what I say. 

You get over him like you would any other guy:  watch 8 straight hours of sappy movies, go get margaritas with your girl friends, get a new haircut, buy a cute outfit and go out on the town..... Take a bit of time to be sad, but then get busy with your life.

As for avoiding family gatherings for fear of seeing him?  No way should you do that!  Walk into any gathering with your head held high!  Why should you miss out on the fun because of this jerk?

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I agree with Serendipity. In my case my Dad's family and I have not been close for over 18 years when there was

a major problem in the family. My cousin and I had not seen each other in 18 years. Then when we were reconnected we were instantly attracted to each other. We began a relationship. He chose to end it. I cried my eyes out and now am recovering. Under the circumstances I don't feel I need to be close to the same family who literally disowned me 18 years ago. My Dad's family, as my Dad is dead, lives far away and I can go back to

not communicating with them, although I wish it had not turned out that way. In your case Marla, you are close to your family and he should not factor into your decision! Kick him to the curb and try to forget what happened.

I know it hurts, but you deserve better treatment. If your family loves you which I am sure they do, don't let him come between your bonds. I just do not have that type of love from my Dad's family and never will. Good luck to you.

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Thank you Serendipity and Sugarpuppy. I will take your advice. I will do exactly that. I did nothing wrong and should not feel ashamed.

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Hi there,

I have also gone through this except I was the one who chose to break up with him. It was mutual and strange as neither of us wanted to end it but the circumstances called for it. He was so upset as was I. However, he got a girlfriend the next week. He acted like it was just a rebound at first but soon the new love becameorw important and he would get angry when I refused to meet her. I just couldn't subject myself to that. So, I was heartbroken for 9 months. I made the mistake of staying in contact with him too and allowing him to attempt to get reactions out of me by waving his new relationship in my face. In hindsight I see that he truly enjoyed seeing me so affected by him (hazards of being young and a jerk I guess) Finally, I decided to cut him off and be done for good. Cousin or no, I don't deserve that kind of mind game playing by someone who supposedly 'Loves' me. He still contacts me every now and again with random things like asking for an opinion on his new beard etc. I believe he is still with this girlfriend or a new one, I'm not sure. He acts disinterested yet brings up the past. I no longer reply, I just delete his texts and ignore his calls. I never contact him, I don't bring us up to him and I don't ask him questions.

I realise now that he is not right for me or my life. I stopped avoiding my family, held my head high and have never given him another reaction since then. - it's been very hard especially when I'm reminded of how much I loved him and our past which delves deep for me, but he made me sad and took my confidence in who I am away when we were together (isn't it funny how people forget that when they break up - think of how hurt he made you)?!?.

Now, I'm done giving my affection and power to someone who doesn't deserve it. I see how blinded I was by our 'cousin bond' which actually is irrelevant. It's still sad and hard, especially round the holiday period but I'm convinced that time does heal all and that I'll meet someone who'll love and cherish me. I'm sure that all of you will too and I wish all of us the best luck! XoXoX

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