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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest BajaBombon2014

Cousin crush since childhood, flirting in our 40's!

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Hello Everyone.

I was so relieved to find this website last night! I read a few comments and I'm so happy to see I'm not the only person going through this. Here's my story.

Since I can remember I've had a crush on my cousin 'MA'. Our Dads were brothers (they both passed now), our Moms were very close like best friends and we lived in the same family property but in different houses so we grew up virtually together. We would run around and play along with other cousins male and female but I remember I always had a special bond with him. When I we were 7-8 both our families moved states away and we lost touch.

When we were 16 we both ended up moving back to our hometown but I was in school, working and dating while he was working all day so we didn't see each other or talk much. When I was 20 I was a separated single mother with a child while he was still single. Circumstances led me to move in with his family, we even slept in the same room! With his other siblings, there were 3 twin beds and a full bed, it was a big room. Even though we shared the room/house we were both working and wouldn't see each other much. But some nights I would lay in my bed wishing he would crawl in and comfort me because I remembered how good he used to be to me when we were little kids and I felt so lonely and depressed. But I also felt ashamed and guilty for wanting him in that way. But nothing ever happened. A few months later I moved out and we soon met our respective current spouses, started having kids and would see each other only in family gatherings but never really talked.

Years went by and in 2005 we ran into each other at his Moms house. This time things were different. He started spending time with me at his Moms, talking, etc. He just seemed eager to be with me and I was eager to spend time with him too. He had grown up to be this hard working, dedicated, humble and sincere man. I felt a new found admiration for him, he turned out to be all I ever wanted in a man. My own marriage being mostly turmoil and unhappiness. He asked for my cell# and started calling me frequently and having these long conversations with me, throwing little hints my way. He would say things like 'Be good, but if your bad invite me'. He would also call me cute nicknames. I felt tempted but I thought he was just a big flirt teasing me. This went on for a couple of years until I moved far away again and lost touch with him, again.

Now we are both in our early 40's. Last month we reconnected. He's living alone (for job purposes) 2.5 hrs away from me. He said he felt bored so he started calling me 2-3 times a week, flirting with me again. 4 days ago I couldn't resist and played along with his flirting until I told him that I have always had a crush on him!! He seemed surprised but happy even though he didn't say it. What he did say is that he wanted us to have coffee one of these days so we could have 'a real conversation'. He's been texting me throughout the day and calling me every night after he gets off work! I am so excited and happy to hear from him all the time. I love the attention he's giving me! He seems genuinely interested in me, he calls me sweet nicknames like if I was his girlfriend, he checks in with me first thing in the morning telling me when he's at work, leaving work, home, going to bed, etc. He seems just as excited and happy as I am!

I don't know where this is headed? I don't know if it will stay platonic? Get physical? Have an affair? Fall in love? But he did say 'Can you imagine us together all night? The night would be short for us'. I hate to say this but I want it too. For years I've been struggling with the idea of staying in my marriage or separating/divorcing? I'm not in love with my husband anymore, my kids are adults now, his too and we both have small grandkids. The only thing that does make me feel bad is that we are both married. But for some weird reason the fact that we are cousins doesn't bother me, I don't feel ashamed about my feelings or attraction for him. In fact it feels 'very natural'. Like if it was 'meant to be' or like if 'we have a right to be together and give it a try'.

I am not looking to have an affair. My feelings and desires go way beyond that and it scares me. It scared me that he might just want to have a fling. It also scares me to think that things might happen and that we could end up falling in love and wanting to be with each other. I'm afraid of the consequences, of hurting others, of tearing two families apart, of being ostracized from our shared family, of my kids hating me, etc. But just his text messages and phone calls seem so real, so genuine, that I cant imagine what being in his arms would feel like, I think I would be swept off my feet and probably let myself go. I feel I deserve happiness after all I've been through and I don't care if it comes with a price.

Thank you for reading my post. Your comments are welcome. I will keep reading other stories and I will update mine if anything else happens. I'm so glad I found this site =)

Thank you CC.com!

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i know this isn't what you want to hear, but as long as you are still married, you are not free to pursue any sort of romantic relationship with your cousin. your lack of feelings for your husband are irrelevant. what IS relevant is that you made a VOW to forsake all others in sickness and health and good times and bad times and blah blah blah. furthermore it's not fair to your children for you to cheat on their dad.

if you don't want to stay in your current marriage, then file for divorce. but any ideas you have about another man need to be put on a block of ice until your marriage is (legally) over.

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