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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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sunshine doll

My complicated love story

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3 posts in this topic

Loving him is so easy, being together is difficult.

I am 26 years young, he is 24. My cousin and I  didn't grow up together, we last stopped seeing each other back when I was 7 and he was 5. We got reconnected about 8 yrs later, when I was 15 and he was 13. We were inseparable, I would spend the whole summer over at his house. We would spend hours just talking about anything and everything; sometimes wouldn't sleep and we would catch the sunrise, we had an amazing connection, I would never want to leave at the end of the summer nor did he want me to go either; just knowing we would not see each other till next summer was heartbreaking but no matter what we always stayed in touch by phone.

I didn't have a cell phone at that time so I would use a pay phone nearby I would do anything just to hear his voice and see how he was doing. I wanted to know how his day went, I was in love and at the time I guess it was even hard to admit to myself that I was in love with my cousin. I started to grow up and feeling scared about letting my family know about the feelings I had for my cousin and the fact that we were underage I didn't want our families to split us apart.

At the age of 16/17 was the first time we ever made love to each other and it was absolutely amazing, even though we weren't our firsts we considered it to be because we were in love with each other. As my feeling grew stronger my fear also grew; I was so afraid of what my mom and brother would say once they found out. Out of fear of what could be I decided to let it all go and spoke to my cousin and said we needed to end things, he was devastated; sad, mad, angry you name it he felt used at the time and thought at one point that I didn't love him as much as he loved me.

We kept talking here and there but we decided to see other people, along the way I met someone. I was 18 about to turn 19, the man I met was 26. He was christian with grounded values and had a great way of seeing life with all he had been through, we talked and one day invited me to go out to dinner, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, we started dating, one thing led to another and he asked for my hand in marriage.

When all my family finds out, they are happy for us everything seems normal and how things should be but I knew inside I felt something was missing and everything happened so fast, spun out of control, my aunt found out and was happy as well (no one knew yet about my cousin n I) as soon as my cousin found out I was getting married he stormed out of the house, I followed him, trying to explain but my words could not heal his heart, I had hurt him and our relationship.

On the day before the wedding my cousin decides to look for me and wants to talk, we meet up and chatted in the car were I had some of my things already packed to go drop off at my new house. Somewhere along the way we both started yelling at each other, we were angry with the situation and he took my ring off threw it in some bush where I never found it, and that's when our relationship and love confession started, my cousin was not being himself and for a moment I was scared to see him like that and so I did the only thing that came to my mind at that point. I called my brother, my brother, my mom, and fiance all show up at this parking lot structure and they call the police, my cousin flees and I was advised to put a restraining order after speaking to the officer about the incident. When we got home my aunt was there to speak to my mom and I arrive with my fiance, the truth was finally out and in the ugliest way possible.

The next day the wedding took place and I had to be as normal as I could be, recollect myself from what had just happened the night before and move on with my life; I saw the sadness in my moms eyes when she found out about my cousin and I, I had let my mother down and she would never be okay with us being together. I didn't know if I could ever be truly happy knowing my little family (mom and brother) would hate me for my decision. They seemed okay and happy with me getting married and doing things the right way, but they were a little hesitant because I was only 20yrs old, a bit young but I made that choice at the end everything was my fault and I could not blame anyone for my mistakes in life, I made my bed I had to lie down in it.

I was married for 6 years, during those years there was not a day I would not think about my cousin and there were a couple time we reconnected, saw each other behind everyone's back, knowing it was not right but at the same time couldn't help but feel the way we did. We never stopped loving each other and wanted to be together. It felt so much harder now that I was married, luckily I didn't have children even though they were in the plans but it just never happened. Feeling guilty day in and day out about seeing my cousin and being with him intimately during my marriage, I decided to finally speak with the truth, built my courage and as much as it was going to hurt a lot of people I was calling it quits and wanted to separate.

A month after I go through separation and move back into my mother's house, I find out I am pregnant, I know for a fact that it was my cousin's because I had not then been touched by my husband for over 7 months before we decided to separate. My family did not know I was back with my cousin nor that I was expecting his child. I had to speak to them, the reaction was a lot worse then the first time, my mother said I was dead to her and that I basically killed her alive, she was very dramatic. My brother was also upset but didn't say as harsh cruel things as my mother did, I'm sure he held back a lot of the things he wanted to say. I immediately gathered my things, I knew I couldn't stay at my moms house being that I was pregnant and the environment was not going to be a good one for my child and I.

I called my cousin and let him know what happened, he already knew that I was prego and that I was going to speak to my family about it so the news that I was going to move in with him was not surprising. So long story/short, I am now living with him, expecting a child together which we couldn't be happier about, my mother is now sort of coming along with the fact we are a couple, and baby daddy should be going to the Marine Corps for training soon.

A lot has changed since we were younger, but our love and bond remains. Loving him is so easy because it comes naturally, being together is difficult because of all the judgment and some family members not being supportive of the situation. It has been a rollercoaster but we are finally together and starting to built our own little family now. We are both very in love and can't wait to see our little bundle of joy which arrives in the summer of 2015!!

Thanks for reading, I had to re-post because the first post I had forgotten to break it up to make it easier to read. FYI: (There are alot of details that were left out of the story to keep it short).

Any comments are welcomed and yes I know I could have done things differently but it is what it is and just as much as I wish I could go back in time and do things differently, I think things happen the way they are supposed to happen for a reason.

Best of luck to anyone out there with similar situations, it is not easy but its best to speak the truth from the start. Just know it is your life and no one lives it for you, do what makes you happy, we only live once. God wants us to be happy; God is love.

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My situation is insanely similar... I am expecting my 1st with my cousin and I am totally happy about it, though I can't say the same about my family. But I could care less what they think because in the end, it is my life and I am the one that has to live with my decisions and I am the one that needs to be happy.

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Wow, really! How far along are you if you don't mind me asking? Do you know if your having a boy or girl?

I also always say I don't care about my family's reaction or what they think but I can't help but sometimes feel a little sad, do you ever feel a bit down? I am really glad i found this site and im able to know im not the only one.

I feel like I would be even happier if it wasn't such a big deal to everyone and if I knew from the bottom of their hearts that they are truly happy for me, but all they seem to be is worried that my child might not come out good be born with something and all they do is stress me out and make me worry :(

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