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coolamster789

are there any couple cousins from india

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Hey guys I'm in love with my First cousin.we're in a committed relationship since last 3 years.we're so happy with each other.we wanna spend our whole life together.we want to marry,but as its not legal in India so we don't mind being in Live In relationship.i would love to share my love story with all you guys.but right now i wanna talk about some other issues.It's a common problem that,since cousin marriage is not accepted by our parents and society and law. we have to go through lots of hardships.can all Indian cousin couples (CC) unite together and try to help each other???.yes  I like to support all the CC across the world and get support from all of you guys.But thing is that Indian CC can really help each other directly/Personally.i don't want to  hide my relationship from the world.but i have to.at least from all you guys i don't have to hide anything.I don't need to explain anything or give any justifications.all of us can meet personally.we'll talk, discuss many problems, help each other.so all of you out there plz reply.

I really wanna thank creator of this website.I used to think wrong about our relationship.sometimes i used to feel guilty also.but after i Stumbled Upon your website.i feel great.I feel good about myself that i haven't done anything wrong.I'm so happy to know that im not alone,there many beautiful CC like ours. So thanks a lot !!!.

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coolamster789,

Yes, there are many cousin couples from India that find their way here. I feel bad for you all, with all the nonsense you must endure, because of outdated traditions. Traditions, which, from my limited knowledge of the Hindu religion, are basically unfounded. I've not found credible evidence posted here from Hindu texts that absolutely prohibits the practice. Again, my knowledge is extremely limited in this regard. There have been posts which interpret that a / the Hindu deity had married his cousin. You would have to search through and read the several threads from our Indian members to find it.

A while back, we mods and admins tried to figure out a way to set up an area for members from India. We all got busy, and never really came up with a good way to do it. At least for the time being, I would suggest you or other members from India do as our members from the Philippines have done. They have a "Cousin Couples from the Philippines unite here" thread. They are able to communicate in Tagalog. I don't speak or read it, but I can somewhat slightly follow it, as it also has an element of broken English in it. Therein lies a problem we staff have yet to figure out if there were to be a similar thread for our friends from India. As I understand it, there are several major languages spoken in India. We wouldn't begin to be able to understand any of them, more less moderate such a thread. And it WILL need some serious moderation. I'll quote you, and highlight where the real problem will come in. I don't mean to imply it is what you have in mind, so I will explain afterwards. I quote you: "  all of us can meet personally.we'll talk, discuss many problems, help each other.so all of you out there plz reply."

In the several existing threads from our members from India, "so we can help each other" has come to mean schemes to marry each others' cousin, then actually living with their own respective cousins. Folks have posted e-mail addresses, and, as best we can, we edit them out. For a couple reasons. First in my book is, they are opening themselves up to spam and blackmail. I became a mod to rid this site of a horrible rash of spammers and spambots. I've made a huge dent in them, but there are certain persistent ones I'm having a horrible time ridding us of. I'll eventually get them, but I'm not there yet. As I type, there are 3 instances of one from Paris, and two instances of one from China gleaning information on the site right now. If they pick up your e-mail, there is the possibility of all manner of crap getting sent to you, to the point of rendering it useless. Do you really have any use for kitchen cabinets from some company in the UK? We get those guys ALL the time. Secondly, should your situation become known to a family member or "friend", they could come here looking for information, (or to troll us, as has happened) and recognize either your user name or e-mail, and blackmail you into an unsavory situation full of added drama you do not need. Plus, we do not, and will not endorse such schemes. We realize they come out of extreme desperation, and seem to be a suitable measure of last resort. It is not. It is not well thought out. It would eventually be discovered, and instead of two of you dealing with two sets of pissed off parents, there would be four of you dealing with four sets of pissed off parents. Not just added drama, exponential drama.

I'm in no way suggesting that is the meaning you have implied here, as you have not given any such indication, or posted your e-mail. I'm only letting you know our concerns of such threads deteriorating into such shenanigans. We've already seen it. We fell bad about having to edit our members posts, but we only do it in the best interest of our members. If members insist, they can PM each other, but we won't allow it publicly, and with our blessings.

My suggestion, and increasingly, the suggestion of other mods and admins, is for cousin couples from India to do whatever it takes to migrate to somewhere it IS legal, and integrate into the new society. Very quietly procure passports/visas. Search out employment. Leave, and don't look back. Do not be cajoled into returning. Make a clean break. There may be the odd exception, but as a rule, you will NEVER change your family's mind. You waste valuable time, and risk violence in some instances, in trying. With the very admirable tradition of supporting parents as they get older, leaving is almost as unfavorable an option as staying, and risking all manner of wailing and gnashing of teeth out of them, or even a beating or worse. They will threaten to kill themselves. They will not. They will not die of grief, as they will say they will. They will get angry, and disown you. Then where will you be? You may as well be elsewhere, making a new life, and new traditions, so following generations will not endure what you are. 

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Hi Hawk,

Thank you for your concern.I am sorry if,by anyways ,unintetionally,i have violated any rules of this website.I'll elaborate some of my points I had written in last post.Yes I love my first cousin (my uncle's daughter).only 2 of my friend know that.they have understood us.they are very happy for us.they are very supportive.but they are no longer in touch with me as they are in US now.I feel so lonely sometimes and wish if there had been any couple with whom we could talk, hang out.I know about the marry each others cousin scheme but I didn't mean that.I just meantl,its good have someone by your side.I want to be with my cousin I can do anything for that.Evan I don't mind accepting marry each others cousins either. I thought of that.But I'm not sure how well it works out.

I thought of leaving my country and migrating to a country where cousin marriage is legal. But its very difficult for me,as my cousin is still studying, I have completed graduation, I have a good job.It's not easy to leave everything like that.we haven't decided anything.we are thinking of each possibility and its consequences.

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coolamster789,

No, so far as I can tell, you've violated no terms here. I don't actually think the "marry each others' cousin" thing technically violates it either, but only because we've not added it to the ToS. We just redact e-mails, and strongly advise against it.

I did assume you had probably thought of it, and, I see you have. I also see you have put at least a little more thought than usual into it, by realizing you aren't sure how it would work out. Smart on your part. I do realize this seems like an acceptable act of last resort. It won't work, and I'm sure you've probably considered the "complications" more so than most. I'll give you my concerns on the matter, not so much for you, but for others who may find their way to this thread. ( I may actually move this to "Shoot the Breeze" section too)

Here are my concerns:

1) Eventually, the arrangement would be found out. As I said, that will lead to exponential drama. If four people could pull it off, they would be up for the Bollywood equivalent of the Oscar Awards here in the US. Not going to happen. It WILL be found out.

2) What of children born into one of these schemes? What would their legal status be? They would have one legal parent, (obviously, their mother) and a legal father, and, their true, biological father. Confusion and drama for an innocent child.

3) How would visits from all of the respective families be handled? And you KNOW, they WILL insist on visiting. Will each cousin partner be fine with their cousin publicly showing affection to their "legal" partner, so as to deflect suspicion? Maybe initially, but I'll assure you, that will get old in a hurry, and cause the total meltdown of the arrangement eventually. Would both sets of cousins live under the same roof? They would almost have to. I can't think of any other way. If any family of any of the partners were to visit, especially unannounced, everyone had best be there, and ready for showtime. Long term, it would never work. What if one member of the arrangement was transferred or otherwise found employment elsewhere? Would the whole group move? I doubt it.

When all things are considered, the only truly effective, and legitimate way for cousins in India to be together is to go elsewhere, where it is legal. You already have supportive friends here in the US. That is what we call here, a support system. Since they are supportive, they can perhaps lay some groundwork for you, if you decide to come here. For now though, don't do anything. Work your job, put back every bit of money you can spare, and wait for her to get her education complete. While you wait, start looking into possible employment, and all of the required paperwork it takes to get here. Of course, you could just go to Mexico, and walk across the border like half the rest of the world is doing at this point, but, that is WAY too dangerous for a young couple, especially a female, and sooner or later, that nonsense is going to be stopped. You need to do it legally, no matter how difficult it is to do so. I suspect part of the closing of the border will include easing of the legal immigration process. Hopefully, well educated folks like yourselves will be given preferential consideration, as was the practice before our whole immigration process became the mess it is today. Put all of this on the back burner, encourage her in her studies, and bide your time. In the meanwhile, as we rednecks say, "get your ducks in a row before you pull the trigger". When you are ready, go, and don't look back, even if you have to do it in the middle of the night. Do what you have to do. It will NOT be easy, but it won't cause anymore freaking out of family than what will happen if you try to reason with them. Don't waste your time. It is better spent preparing.

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