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Godly_Girl3414

Mixed signals or just nervous? Help!

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Hi I'm Bree and I've told my 2nd cousin about my feelings for him and he says he feels the same way but we couldn't be together because of what the family would think. He flirts with me over txt and just last night I told him I could care less what the family thinks because I care about my own happiness more and feel I deserve to be happy just like everyone else. He said he understood but that was it.

He never flirts with me when we hang out together and I'm just wondering is he too nervous to make a move in person or is he not as into me as he acts over txt? I know modern technology as made it easier to talk about things in a msg where you have time to really think about what you're going to say before you say it. I would like to think he's just being shy but I'm not sure.

I'm hoping in time he will realize that the opinions of others doesn't matter and that we could truly be happy together. He's been single for 6/7 yrs and said that until the perfect one comes along he's not wasting his time. At the same time he's told me if I weren't his cousin he would be in a serious relationship with me because I'm what he's been looking for. He's also everything I've ever wanted in a man. If anybody has any advice or insight into what may be going on in his please help!

Thanks and God Bless!

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how old are you both? you should really tell him about this site. you could even tell him that it is owned by a christian and the whole administration team is a bunch of old christians... at least if he's a godly guy. i'm assuming since you're a godly girl you're probably looking for a relationship with someone whose faith mirrors your own :)

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I'm about to be 24 and he's 30. How would I bring up this site to him? And yes he's a godly man too :-). We've been crushing on each other for about 3yrs now but I've been in and out of bad relationships and had a baby girl since.

We've just recently gotten really close in the past month because I broke up with my bf. Every time I've went through a break up I would go hang out with him and my other cousins. This time though it's just been me and him hanging out together alone.

I've prayed so much about the whole situation and I feel like God keeps telling me to just be patient and don't give up and let Him do his work. 

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well ya can't go wrong with waiting on God. His timing is always perfect. never a minute early though, which can be maddening ;)

it should be easy enough to bring up the site to him though. he already knows how you feel, and he says it's mutual. let him know there are others out there who have been through this, and that these "know-it-alls" say that more often than not, the fear of family objections is far worse than the reality... especially among second cousins where the distance is enough to make most nay-sayers think "oh well, that's not so bad". but even among first cousins, the percentage of family members that really object is about 50% or less.

we've got tons of information on this site too, off the message board, on what the bible says, and what genetic experts say, and what state laws have to say (which for the record, second cousins are distant enough to marry ANYwhere in the entire world).

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It is so maddening! I'm about to go crazy just wanting to be with him! I am going to keep faith though and let God do His work.

I know for a fact the family's reaction wouldn't be near as bad as he's thinking it would be because I've already confessed the whole thing to my mom. She surprised me when she was actually all for it! She did tell me it would be harder to get my dad to accept it but it wouldn't take much. Basically, everyone might be upset about it for a month or 2 but would get over it fairly quick.

Me and him didn't grow up together and didn't know we were cousins when our crushes developed. The family already knows about our lil crush and that I spend a lot of time with him by myself or with my daughter too.

I've read all of those things on this site when I first discovered it and it made me realize I wasn't wrong for the way I felt about him. It also made me think maybe he's the man God has had in store for me all this time I've been searching. The love stories on here have also touched my heart! Maybe I could let him read a few of those too? They made me realize God wouldn't condemn something so beautiful and wonderful that some of the stories almost made me cry! I just hope one day me and him can be one of those love stories.

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This place can be very educational and helpful so i would show him this website. Makes one realize that your not alone with feelings for a cousin, whether its a 1st, 2nd or 3rd Cousin and its a 2nd cousin in your cases  :smiley:

nessa76

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Maybe he will in time. He's acted more withdrawn in the past couple of days. That's why I feel like he's sending me mixed signals.

He's very flirtatious for a little while then goes back to being withdrawn. I didn't talk to him or go see him for like a week and he msgs me out of the blue telling me he hasn't been able to quit thinking about me all week.

It's just so confusing. I think I might try not talking to him or anything again for awhile and see if he does the same thing. It's kind of like the old saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder."

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I also want to add that I talked to my mom a little more about it. She said that the family would be extremely hard on us and that relationships come with so many problems as it is, we would just be making more problems for ourselves right from the start 😔

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your mom may very well be projecting her fears onto everyone else, assuming they'd be hard on you both. her fears are probably bigger than the reality.

she's right though that relationships are often problematic. that's just natural. you have two people with different personalities, different quirks, trying to live harmoniously together. that's true no matter who you are with.

but she's not necessarily right about you making more problems for yourselves from the start. that again sounds like her own fear being projected. you're both old enough and mature enough to know that relationships take dedication and work. you're both spiritually committed enough to understand that relationships work best with God at the center. and while every relationship will have it's rough patches, being related has very little to do with anything. the only thing that being related would make more problematic would be in the event of a break-up, because it could tend to divide extended family members. but being second cousins, even that is less likely to be an issue.

in the years i've been here, i've learned a little that is not scientifically backed up by anything. and what i've learned is this... after the initial hurdle of telling family and friends and dealing with the aftermath of the revelation, cousins tend to have some advantages over other relationships.

* because the relationship was initially "family" instead of "romance", nobody put on masks. for that reason, cousins tend to know each other better, and be more adept at accepting the little quirks.

* because 'his family' is 'her family', there tends to be a deeper commitment, not only to each other, but also when it comes time to take care of the in-laws.

* there actually have been studies done on japanese quail (i think that's the bird) that showed that in nature, when choosing a mate, the natural selection is most often related as cousins. there seems to be just enough genetic similarity to make cousins the most natural and desirable mate.

all that aside, you are both believers. and you need to let GOD be leading you, not your mother. if God has chosen you two for each other, and you keep God at the center of your relationship, then it will not fail. it won't always be perfect, because it's impossible for humans to have a perfectly conflict-free marriage. but it won't fail.

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LadyC

That's so true! Thank you so much! I was thinking the same thing, that relationships are going to have their problems no matter what!

But I'm still having trouble figuring out if he's feeling the same way I am or if just said those things because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I don't feel like he did or he wouldn't have flirted back with me like he did. More or less, he actually initiated the flirting in the beginning after I told him how I felt. I just don't understand why he keeps withdrawing from me after every time we get a little intimate in our conversations.

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