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this is the first time in my life that I've ever told anybody about this

....well she knows ... but not many others ....as so many have this problem.

I'm in love with my first cousin everytime i see her i fall more in love with her, i can't help it and i don't understand it.

She makes me feel safe loved and she feels the same as much as she will tell me

... there is 5 years between us ...me and her .... we have always been together.

i took care of her a lot when she was little i guess that makes this weird ...let me clarify on that i have no intent of taking advantage of her i any way we are both extremely religious Christians. We both love god and we honor him the best we can if you get what i mean

.... that makes this even harder you know  ...I'm extremely close to my aunt and her family i spend a-lot of time with them...

I love them all very much i don't think i could stand losing them..

..but my cousin well my and her relationship is complicated ....

....we love each other she's told me and I've told her same way same interests that forever soulmate kinda love.

we know each other better than anybody else, body language, cues. she can't lie too me without me catching it and the same goes for me to her...

in all aspects she my kryptonite and i hers .....about 6 months ago i was away on business my job keeps me gone ....sometimes .

..i don't wanna say too much bout it  i m afraid somebody might find this ...and well all hell would break out...

.if they made the connection our family knows or suspects that our relationship is beyond platonic

but we don't know what they'd do if they confirmed it..

..i couldn't stand losing her and as she's told me she couldn't stand losing me.....and i feel like they'd hate me for this......that it all be my fault.....i can't help how i feel you know.....

But anyway i was away it was the first time in our lives we been that far from each other

....my job has certain risks on my life.. if that gives a hint..

.well i finally got the nerve to tell her and she was happy and so was i she felt the same .....

...but she had this friend and her friend found out....bout us... she was someone we thought we could trust and well we were wrong..

...her friend convinced her to be with somebody else to move on from me unsuccessfully but enough she could shake our secret..but in the end just made it more secret...

well here i  am far from home and my love has left me for another or so i thought so id find somebody too ...

....so i did i came home and begun dating this girl...as my cousin was dating her guy... I'm happy as happy can be i suppose

  but cant hide from the truth i don't love this girl as much as i make myself love her...

i feel bad doing it but when I'm with her i forget bout my cousin if only for a moment  and i think maybe were better off like this and maybe we are ..

..no fear no loss we just hide how we feel...but then my girl is away my mind drifts too my cousin once more and the same thing goes for my cousin he's away her mind drifts to me ...

. we meet in secret we cuddle and kiss alot  read together talk laugh a lot and forget the others but when its time to go we remember and we feel sad..

..we tell each other that its OK that were not cheating on our significant others because we loved each other first that it should of been us ...

..that we both made mistakes.... but at the same time we are so frightened that our family will find out ....and we wonder are we better off like this hiding....

.... a stolen moment a secret kiss ..from time to time a gentle pat a quick tease a Lil flirting ...... long hugs goodbye  and exuberant embraces hello ...

. I've come here cause i don't know what i should do should we stay like this ... will this work for now.....is this wrong are we wrong she's my best friend my twin soul ......my love...my life ....

idk i just need some advice.......and i don't even know where to start asking for it......she just turned 18 senior in high school lives with her folks I'm 23 independent full time job we live in Tennessee

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Not sure why everyone here seems to be such a grammar nazi. Oh, well. lol

I think I've got your job figured out. If my hunch is correct, it must be tough on you. But I'll say this: cheating is never a good choice. Nothing good comes out of deceit of any kind, let alone lying about something so intimate. What both of you are doing is wrong, but not because you're cousins.

I think you need to decide who you really want. What kind of life you really want. Dating your cousin is going to come with risks. Drawbacks. Fear. Maybe even rejection by your family. But if you really love her, and she loves you, you'll find a way. Love is never wrong. I read somewhere that "It's not the problems that stop us, it's thinking the problems stop us that stops us." Find what you really want, and go for it. But stop cheating and living in this fantasy you've created. It's unhealthy for everyone involved. And unbelievably unfair to those you hurt.

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I know how you feel when you say "i don't love this girl as much as i make myself love her."  Trying to love this girl is like doing homework, right?  Like doing your chores?  And it will take a long time for that to change---if it ever does.  It can be done, but it's a heckuva lotta work.  And maybe it will never make you forget your cousin-love; maybe it will. 

But you and your cousin are going to have to work out how much you love each other, and whether the wishes of other relatives matter more than your own love and happiness.  Either they will accept it, or they'll come around, or they won't; but it's your life (lives) to lead.  I know how important the extended family is, and that's part of God's plan; but I also know that there comes a time when the extended family isn't there---in the normal cycle of life, some of them will die, your siblings will move away and have families of their own, maybe you'll find yourself living in another part of the country.  If you're married to someone you are forcing yourself to love, rather than someone you genuinely and wholeheartedly love, it becomes harder, not easier, to continue to force yourself.  Eventually, you just kinda give up, b/c it's easier to stay married after all those years than to split up.  Do you want that kind of marriage? 

So I don't know exactly what my advice to you is.  Except this: If you and your cousin know your own minds and genuinely love each other, don't ever give up!

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