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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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LostInDesire13

I am a woman who wants to sleep with her cousin

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I am a 25 year old woman who wants to sleep with her cousin. It started when we were little(we are the same age), and has continued up until now. I'm slightly confused as to his intentions however. Back in 09 I went our to our familys house for thanks giving and when I rang the door bell, he answered the door. He said hello and that he was happy to see me and gave me this hug. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt him run his hand down my back and under my shirt, and left it resting kinda in the waist part of my pants.  I want to know if he feels the same for me, as I do for him. If anyone could give me some advice it would be great, because I don't want to make a fool of myself or drive him away. We are supposed to go out for drinks when he comes back home in Christmas on leave, and I would like to get some advice before then, hopefully. Thanks for reading and I'm looking forward to reading the responces.

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LostInDesire13,

Do you just want to sleep with him, or would you like something more of a relationship with him? You say there has been an ongoing attraction, at least on your part, for some years now. How often did the two of you see each other as kids? Were you two really close? Looking back, were there indications of an attraction on his part? This hug you describe when you two were ~20 or so sounds at least a little more than "cousinly" to me. Are the two of you both available? You don't want to play the "third wheel" in all of this. He shouldn't want to either. You also don't indicate which State you are in. As a mod, I can have a little peek, but, it appears you are on a wireless LAN of some sort possibly, and my look-up gives a generic location for most wireless ISPs. I'm not going to dig deeper to try to be more precise. I only look to see if it would be legal where you are, for you to proceed. Always something good to know. If you could, give us your State. We don't need a specific town or street address, we want you to remain anonymous, even to us. State law is what we are concerned with anyhow.

Now, to a little advice based on the information you've given. As a drinker, I'm not going to tell you not to go have drinks with him. I WILL tell you to try to stay reasonably coherent. In the process of partying it up, inhibitions fade, right along with reason. It is very easy to find yourself in very deep, very quickly. It adds to the ability of such a relationship to become very intense, very quickly. Voice of experience here, believe me. It can make for an awkward sobering up, be it the next morning, or several days later, depending on how long it takes to come up for air.

If it were me, and if the two of you are available, and it's not considered criminal incest where you are, I would proceed as if it were any other person I had such an interest in. Have a drink or two to take the edge off, and watch for an opportunity to speak candidly, and discretely. We recommend what we all call the old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin, ...." line. It breaks the ice, and the response gives an indication as to the extent of reciprocated feelings. Maybe not with the actual reply, but the tone and manner of it. At that point, depending on the reply and the way it's delivered, you may wish to express that, at least for your part, it isn't that big of a hindrance. You two are fully adults, and, at what I consider a perfect age to explore your feelings if the two of you so choose.

Again, I would go at least a little slowly at first, or, at the very least, have enough of an adult conversation up front to be on the same page with each other, and what would be the desired long term outcome. I say, if the attraction is mutual, it's legal, and you both are available, and desire it, go for it, and don't let anyone stop you. You are adults after all, able to determine your own direction in life. 

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Well, honestly... It might be more than just lust on my part. We used to be closer than we are now because he joined the USMC but I wanted to try and catch up with him if he comes out this Christmas on leave. I'm not too big into drinking as is so not muching is going to be consumed on my part  lol. Also the hug I was reffering to, my bf at the time noticed the hug was not family like and we actually got in an argument over it because he thought I was lying to him. I currently live in Texas, hes stationed else where. As far as relationship status, hes single, and I'm in a LTR of 3 years so that makes the issue worse. I dont just want to sleep with him... I honestly think the feelings I have are deeper than just skin on skin.

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then you need to get out of your LTR before pursuing him. to go hook up with him would be unfair to the man you're with. he doesn't deserve that. don't be the kind of woman who keeps a guy hanging on "just in case" while you pursue other interests.

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^^^ My sentiments exactly. You BOTH need to be available. You also need to be somewhere other than Texas.

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well, the thing is, we are swingers and my man knows that I want him sexually and hes ok with that ... However he doesnt know I'm in love with my cousin, he only knows Im sexually attracted to him. I keep apologizing to him saying I feel like a horrible person, even though I just came out of the closet of denial about it myself. Thats the first time Ive ever said that... It feels good. I am in love with my cousin.  But its painful as helland so far I am not coping well at all.

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if you think that being a swinger is going to change our advice, it doesn't. in fact, it strengthens our position. you have to choose one or the other. to screw your cousin while you're committed to someone else is not fair to the cousin who might expect more than just being used for a fun time. and to be in love with your cousin while you're screwing the man you're in a committed relationship with treats him like a fool.

you need to quit playing games and be a woman of integrity.

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Number one, you do not have the right nor the knowledge  of me and  my man to judge our lifestyle choices .  Number two my integrity as a person is on point. I was rasied correctly as how to treat others. I have already had the conversation with my man about what you just said and I told him I didn't want him hurt, over all. Its not something  I want for him because I love him. I cannot risk his feelings over a lustful action alone . My man was disappointed but he gets it . Plus,I only meantioned the situation of us being  swingers because of a statment that was made in another comment.

(not edited... i just accidentally hit the modify button instead of the quote button)

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You were raised "correctly" on how to treat others?  You are a guest here and you tell your "hosts" that we do not have the right to judge your lifestyle choices.  You do have the choice to your lifestyle BUT your lifestyle is NOT our choice.  I'd say you need a lesson in good manners.

We support loving, committed relationships between cousins.  We do NOT support multiple relationships nor pornography.  This is a family oriented site and we have many young people who come here looking for advice.  Your lifestyle choices are not the ones we support.

You are very close to being "uninvited".

Nattana

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Number one, you do not have the right nor the knowledge  of me and  my man to judge our lifestyle choices .  Number two my integrity as a person is on point. I was rasied correctly as how to treat others. I have already had the conversation with my man about what you just said and I told him I didn't want him hurt, over all. Its not something  I want for him because I love him. I cannot risk his feelings over a lustful action alone . My man was disappointed but he gets it . Plus,I only meantioned the situation of us being  swingers because of a statment that was made in another comment.

i didn't judge you or your lifestyle. i said you need to be a woman of integrity and not play these two men for fools.

and yes, i have every right to say what i want. you come on to a public forum and you ask advice. woman up and accept the advice you are given or find some other place to whine.

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Kit as has been said, you really are being selifsh playing these 2 MEN like fools. You just want your cake and eat it too, have you ever heard of the word Karma, its exactly what will happen to you if you carry on playing these men. Its not fair on the guy you're with and nor your cousin either. How could you use your cousin like that or both the man your with. Won't jealousy get in the way, it certainly can do.

I don't mind or have a problem with your lifestyle (swinger) but your actions is not fair on either.

Your also selfish jumping on someone elses thread ALSO and by just going on about yourself on this thread. You should make one of your own because this thread was made by LostInDesire13.

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well, the thing is, we are swingers and my man knows that I want him sexually and hes ok with that ... However he doesnt know I'm in love with my cousin, he only knows Im sexually attracted to him. 

<snip>

I am in love with my cousin. 

this is what i'm talking about. your lifestyle is your business. i'm not judging you for it. but THIS is playing both ends against the middle and both of these men deserve better.

(nessa76, i think kit and lostindesire are the same person.)

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this is what i'm talking about. your lifestyle is your business. i'm not judging you for it. but THIS is playing both ends against the middle and both of these men deserve better.

(nessa76, i think kit and lostindesire are the same person.)

Oh, maybe they are and if so i apologize Kit. I never knew because they're different user names so i was just thinking now why not use the same one lol

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yeah, i think she just didn't log in the last time

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