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Guest A.J.

Secretly in love.

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"I think we're just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that." - Margot Tenenbaum

This quote explains where my cousin and I are at this moment. Here's some background:

I'm 25, he is 36. As you can imagine we never actually grew up together because of the age gap. I remember when I was a kid I always had a crush on him. He went into the service straight out of high school and when I was 11 I was placed into foster care. I was eventually moved an hour away where I was adopted and lost all contact with my biological family.

Just over 4 years ago I began searching around for some of my biological family. My son was about 6 months old and his father and I were split up. My adoptive family wasn't very supportive and I felt a bit alone. So I did some digging around on Facebook and got in touch with one of my aunts and my grandmother.

Eventually my cousin in question friend requested me because I showed up on his "suggested friends". He didn't have a clue who I was, just thought I was attractive. The last time he ever saw me I was just a kid. But I knew exactly who he was. So that first conversation was a bit awkward but something about us just clicked. It was as if we had been best friends forever.  He was still in the service, stationed out of state. He was married but separated and seriously contemplating divorce. He was scheduled for a deployment so he had a 30 day leave coming up where he planned on coming home for part of. Just him. So we made plans to meet while he was home. And until then we talked every day via Facebook, texts, and phone calls. Eventually we both admitted to each other that we felt there was something between us. It seemed crazy at first but the more we talked the more we didn't care about it not being "normal". Then we met face to face and our feelings for each other intensified.

As much as we wanted to be together nothing was in our favor. He lived on the opposite coast, was being deployed overseas, still married, and we knew our family would be completely against it. So he left for deployment. My sons father and I decided to try to work things out. I told my cousin this and he was not happy at all. But when he got home from deployment he decided to try to work things out with his wife.

Over the years we've kept in touch. He is still married, they just had their second child. I'm engaged to my sons father and our relationship has been at its best these past couple of years.

Every time my cousin is home on leave we spend time with each other, either alone or at family gatherings. There are rumors between our family about us. They think it's weird that we are so close and speculate that we have an inappropriate relationship. His wife doesn't care for me, I don't blame her. We play it off as though we are just good friends. If anyone knew the truth they wouldn't understand and we wouldn't be allowed to stay in touch. Next spring he is being stationed only 45 mins away from where I live.

We are in love with each other but the timing isn't right. Hopefully one day it will be. But until then we'll just have to be secretly in love...

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Is it sad that as a 37 y/o military man, in love with my cousin, that this story nearly brought me to tears? I wish you the best of luck. Don't ever give up hope or love!

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What a coincidence! I teared up a little just reading your reply, thank you. As sad as it is it's nice to know that someone can relate so closely, I wrote this as a guest. Besides the fact that he pcs'd closer to me we are still at the same point. But I'll never lose hope or love for him.

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