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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Friendly_But_Shy

It just feels right

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Hi, I just joined the site. Like everybody's stories I've been reading, everybody feels really nervous about admitting their feelings about being in love with a cousin. That's how I feel too. I have a younger cousin (And for some reason I'm so nervous I feel like she'll somehow read this! haha), and just recently in our lives, she's been adding up all the past experiences where I've been flirting with her and teasing and saying wonderful things to her.

All through her past she probably disregarded a lot of it, or thought I was teasing her and I knew she enjoyed my teasing and kind words. Anyways, she finally asked me if all my kind words and flirting was genuine and I had to tell the truth. Yes.

She never really reacts much to it, and when we're chatting online, I know she's allowing me to express my feelings and obsess about past experiences together and tell her she's beautiful, etc. I'm pretty sure she is enjoying our talk but she never really comes out and admits that she feels the same way I do. But in other ways she makes it pretty obvious.

Well, I've been reading through the forums and I noticed there's a lot of women who feel okay about having a male first cousin having a crush on them. It really gives me a lot of reassurance that maybe my feelings for my cousin are okay. I really do love her. There's a special connection between us and there's something I feel in my heart that I've never felt with anybody else. And I wouldn't want my cousin to come out and say, "Yes, we're in love, come over right now!" lol. I just enjoy what I can't have. But I can imagine how beautiful it would be. Realistically, I just don't think it would work. So confused! Thanks, everybody!

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Welcome!! after reading your post.. how old are you guys ? and why wouldn't it work? there is married couples on here and cousin couples who have had children. some failed relationships some that end like a fairy tale.

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Hi, I'm 27 and my cousin is 22. And I'm not sure why it wouldn't work. I think we both feel that our family won't support it. It's too much of a shock. And she is already in a relationship, so her boyfriend and his friends will see me in a way that is "creepy." I'm just not bold enough to try and achieve something that might not even work out. Also, my cousin wouldn't want me to do that, 'cause it will embarrass or humiliate her. I can't even really talk about this with her yet. We're barely admitting our feelings at this point.

So at this point, I'm just testing the waters, ya know?

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Understood. but if she is in a relationship you have to respect that. and so does she.

Of course it would be a shock. when I told my parents two days ago it was a shock. they didn't like it but what's done is done .ya know ?

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Oh yes, for sure. The relationship must be respected. And I guess I should have mentioned that more. There's a lot of anxiety and nervousness I have about my feelings for her. And confusion, too. The reason is, I've known my cousin my whole life, so it's not the same as a typical relationship. I can't just walk out of her life. So, since I've always cared for her (as family, and as a person,) it's something to think about when I take a step back while she's in a relationship.

This is difficult for me to explain because I think it makes me sound a bit selfish. Basically, I'm trying to say that I care about her in a non-selfish way but I also have ... other feelings that I need to keep in line. And that's what respect is.

This is a very confusing, complicated, tangled mess. Thankfully I haven't started anything to mess up family and her relationships.

Anyways, I hope I'm not using a bad choice of words, I'm overthinking everything. Let me know how you feel about what I wrote. I'm still trying to learn.

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I understand !!  whatever happens,if you guys decide to peruse anything just make sure its what you guys both want. Good luck with everything :)

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Thank you! And I hit the wrong button! I thought it said "Smile" but it said "Smite!" Yikes, sorry if something happened there! lol

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Honestly what I think is...

Yeah she is in a relationship but I don't think because of this, you shouldn't tell her how you feel. Continuously hitting on her while she is in a relationship is probably not the way to go, but I don't think her being in a relationship should hold back your confession. Just throw it out there...you should still tell her that you respect that she is in a relationship, but I'd also tell her you just can't continue to hide your feelings. And of course, let her know that regardless of what she thinks/decides, your friendship (non-romantically) will never disappear and you'll always be there for her.

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