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religiousScientist

patient and confused

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Recently I told my cousin I loved her. She said that its weird but she feels we shouldn't tell anybody. We are real close, our bond is deep and even though she knows my feelings she has not reacted or treated me differently. We live in the same house and I told her if she ever felt uncomfortable I would leave, but she says she doesn't know how she feels but she doesn't want me to leave. Before I told her my feelings, she use to ask me for foot massages, and slowly that developed into leg massages, to hand and arm massages, and eventually neck and back massages. She never flinched about me touching her skin. She's even asked me to softly run my fingers on her arms, or her legs, or her back, which I noticed would make her hairs stand up. I thought that after I told her how I felt that these things would stop, but it hasn't. In fact its seems more intense now, and it has noticeably aroused me, and she doesn't move or say anything....and in my head I'm screaming-how is this not bothering her? And if we hear someone coming we stop what we are doing as if we were gonna get caught doing something even though nothing is going on between us in that sense.Sometimes it seems that our love for each other is so deep, that nothing needs to be said, we just know, and we just understand, and we just continue to be. An unspoken bond. I wish I knew what was going through her head because I'm the only one who voiced my feelings. And the way things are going I feel that she loves me the way I love her, but I still have my doubts.I'm insecure by nature, so I don't know if its me talking myself out of it because she hasn't said anything. I just need a professional opinion. I don't want to continue if I'm just being used for massages...but something inside me tells me its genuine love and affection. What should I do. She won't tell me her feelings and I don't want to push her away by seeming needy, especially if she feels that I don't need to ask because the proof is in front of my face. Opinions please. And I'll answer any questions that will help you help me. Ps- she has a boyfriend but he's long distance. Andim beginning  to notice he might just be a trophy for her, it actually keeps peoples attention away from how close we are

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i'm not going to go so far as you are to label this as "love". but it's definitely a sexual stimulation for her. the whole taboo thing heightens that stimulation. she hasn't asked you to stop because it's turning her on.

all that being said, i'm not implying you should try to seduce her. if what you feel is love, don't muddy the waters with sex. if she can return your feelings, then that needs to be first and foremost. sex can wait.

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She hasn't asked you to leave or to stop, so that's a positive sign.  But...she has a BF.  And whether he's long-distance or not, she still has an obligation to treat him with respect and dignity.  I think you need to wait this one out until she is finished with her current relationship.  The truth is, if she does leave him for you, you will always wonder if she will one day do the same to you.

In the meantime, stop playing footsie with her.  The more you indulge the physical nature between you two, the harder it's going to be to keep your head on straight. 

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Thank you, that makes sense to me from a biological point of view. I will stop what we are doing and see how she reacts to it so I can guage if its love or just a secret fantasy of hers.

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Good idea, OP. If she asks why you wont do it for her anymore, tell her that you're confused and would like some clarification about where this is or is not going to go. That's what I would do. She's gotta be upfront at some point.

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