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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Shana

Feeling alone and scared

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I have feelings for my 1st cousin. He moved back home after living in another country for years so we hadn't seen each other since I was a kid (We're both in our twenties now, he's older than I am). Shortly after he came back home, the whole family went out for drinks and we ended up sitting on our own at a table for part of the night. He said that he can't believe I'm his cousin and that I'm really pretty and 'going to be a heartbreaker'; things like that. Whenever the rest of my family came back to the table he stopped talking. We'd all had a couple of drinks so I'm not sure if he's into me at all or if it was just the drink talking. Looking back I wish I had asked him at the time what he really thought.

I haven't seen him since and this was quite a few months back but we lived quite far apart and have both been busy career wise (I've recently finished university). But since then I can't get him out of my mind. At first I was horrified about what I was feeling but I really don't have the 'ewww factor' that I have with other cousins when it comes to him. I'm finding this harder to hide as time goes on, maybe because I'll probably be seeing him soon, Christmas and such. I want to see him but I don't know how to pursue this or if I even should. Our family is pretty close knit and they would not accept this :( It would especially kill my dad, my cousin is his favourite nephew. On top of that I don't think I could face the rejection and the awkwardness if my cousin doesn't feel the same way.

I hate having no one to talk to about this, I've been testing the waters with some of my friends and family around the topic of cousin relationships generally and I haven't got a positive response so far. I just feel like a total freak (no offence meant guys!) and unless by some miracle my cousin does feel something for me, I'm terrified of someone finding out.

Thanks guys, needed to get it of my chest. x

(I live in the UK btw)

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Shana,

      Relax!  First cousins are legal in the UK.  Don't be do quick to decide how people are going to react. 

    Do you have any contact with your cousin?  Like fb and twitter. 

    I would advise you to stop "testing the waters" - there are too many wrong ideas around. 

    When you see him again, concentrate on becoming good friends and proceed slowly.

    Read the stories on our site and the information pages.  Also you can go to Chat and some of us should be in and out.  We are here to support and encourage you.

  HUGS

  Nat

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I'd stop testing the waters too, i agree. Having negative comments from friends & family isn't going to make it any easier for yourself. It will only make you feel like a freak and your NOT  :smiley:

Truth normally comes out with alcohol, so by him saying your really pretty he probably meant it  :smiley: 

Take things slowly and see where it leads with this guy (Your Cousin)  :smiley:

nessa76

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I think it would be a good idea if you get alone with him and see how he reacts without alcohol so u will know its legit this time but as said before take it slow you don't wanna seem pushy let him show you affection first and other people will automatically think it's gross so testing the waters isn't a good idea

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Thanks everyone for your replies! You're right, I'll stop testing the waters, it really isn't doing any good. Nattana, I have my cousin on fb but I've tried not to talk to him as regularly as I'd like as he came out of a very long term relationship last year and I wanted to give him time.  But perhaps I'm being so subtle its a waste of space :/ I'll try and contact him again and I'll come back here to talk if I need to.

Thanks again x

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Shana,

    We are here for you - to support and encourage! 

  I do suggest that you go ahead and register so you can use the private messages.  HUGS!

  Nat

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