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Atsuikaze

2nd Cousin Feelings

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G'day, I'm honestly having a difficult time with my feelings as of the moment.

I fell in love with my 2nd cousin about 10 years ago, but I have never said anything to anyone regarding my feelings. I am currently 24 and she is 23. I am currently single and have been for a few years and I have never been able to hold a stable relationship not for the lack of trying.

I feel as though I can't have a relationship with anybody but my cousin but my family is VERY against the very idea of one in the first place (due to previous conversations) and I have nothing else but my family to keep me going so I am in quite caught between a rock and a hard place. My cousin is also going through some relationship difficulties and I only want for her to be safe and happy. I will not let my feelings get in the way of other peoples suffering nor that of my family.

I don't know what I can do, but I feel as though I will regret my feelings if I don't do something now. I have always been a selfless person, could not care less about religion but doing what is right. I also feel that I cant be with anyone else as we click in about everything from food to hobbies, and it drives me nuts when I think about it. Every time that I have been in a relationship, I always feel like I cant be with that person because I feel like betraying her.

Any advice would be really appreciated. I'm not the gungho sort of guy, and I don't take reckless risks, in fact I am quite reserved but with confidence. The idea that if I tell her about my feelings and she rejects that, it'll kill me inside like nothing else. 

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Atsuikaze,

2nd cousins are legal everywhere in the world. 2nd cousins have none of the issues with genetics that first cousins do, and even those are way overblown. People who refuse to accept these facts should be given a gift membership to the Flat Earth Society. All of that said, you may be overestimating family resistance to the idea at this point. If the reaction was less than enthusiastic before, perhaps things would be different now that the two of you are well of age. There is no shame in being reserved with confidence. But, if you are confident, a little less reservation as you get older is probably in order. Cross that bridge when you get there though.

For now, you need to find out how she feels about you. What if she feels exactly the same way as you, but is scared of the reaction of you and others too? We here recommend what is known as 'the old tried and true' "If you weren't my cousin" line to open up a discussion on the matter. If you two click in all of these areas of your lives, I'll assume you spend some amount of time together on a fairly regular basis. I advise stepping that up slowly. If you are not in a relationship, and neither is she, or at least is in the process of being single, you two are at what I consider the perfect age to explore your feelings. Ask her out, maybe to some activity/hobby you both enjoy. Remind her of your previous relationship problems, and, now with her in a similar boat, you would like to go out, but without "strings". Don't be needy or pushy, use this confidence of yours. Women want to be with confident men. They don't want a whiny jellyfish of a man. I would recommend on the first couple of outings, don't mention your attraction to her. Go into it with having a good time as the only goal. Focus on having a good time. If she has a good time with no strings, she will want to repeat it. Sooner or later, she will feels strings pulling her toward you. Watch for subtle hints, because timing will be key as to when you want to broach the issue. When you feel the time is right, you simple say "You know, we get along so well, if you weren't my cousin, you'd be my perfect girlfriend." or something to that effect. You work with whatever her reaction is to that. If she flips out, you have the out of saying "I said IF, you know, IF you weren't my cousin." If she says "Yeah, sux don't it?" you have your in to further the conversation. You can say "It would be exciting wouldn't it? Let's check it out, and see just how big of a deal it is." Then, get on line and check it out. You already know where to come for that, you're here. Go with the information we have here. We're here to help walk you through it, take full advantage of it. 

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I am currently in a serious relationship with my second cousin. We have been together for a little over a year now and his parents absolutely do not agree with what we are doing. They said it isn't right and we need to end it, now. Thinks weren't this bad until recently, Thanksgiving specifically. since then his parents have had a few chats with him, and only him about us. Never including me. He too is stuck between a rock and a hard place, his parents are making him choose between me and them. He is a completely selfless person and wants to do what's right. But he is torn between how he feels for me and losing his parents.

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