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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Hello,

I'm going to start out saying that this is about my first cousin and I. We're both twenty and both have a manageable source of income living on our own. I'm asking for advice whether if the relationship is worth pursuing or not. Here's our story.

Growing up, we never really knew each other because at the time we lived in different countries. Every couple of years, my Mom and I would fly out of the country to spend Christmas and New Year's with relatives for couple of weeks to a month.

Every visit, my cousin and I would become closer and closer according to my grandma.

As I remember correctly, 2008 is the year that we had some sort of spark. We were 13 and after that trip is when she had confessed that she had a crush on me via text message. I didn't realize that I've been having a crush on me especially since I'd initiate things like holding hands and etc. I told her I liked her also but we stopped communicating due getting in trouble for raising the bills too high.

Four years later, we went on another holiday trip to see my relatives. There, I saw my cousin and at first it was awkward but eventually we became good friends again. After the trip, we continued talking via Skype and Facebook. Months later we told each other our feelings and persued a relationship. We talked about all the things that could happen with family, genetic and it being a social taboo. We have looked for stories about our situation and managed to find this website.

Anyways, I've never been so deeply in love before being with her. We would Skype everyday for several hours and it never seemed to get boring talking about our future and whatnot. Throughout our relationship we had a couple of falling out and heart breaks but we still managed.

Several months in our relationship, she went on a college program for a semester. There she met a guy and she developed feelings for him. I didn't find out until I snooped onto her Facebook account (we share passwords.) That's when I found out she has been seeing that guy and I asked her about that then we started to argue over Skype. Shortly after, she broke up with me and that put me into a state of depression for months.

Couple months after finally moving on, my mom decided to fly out for the holidays. I saw her again in person after so long. We slowly started talking again and we went on dates. We created many memories and we lost our virginity to each other during that trip. We started dating again and everything seemed so perfect until a month after I got back to California. The reason why we broke up the last time started to hurt me again and left me feeling confused.  Being mixed feelings and all... I broke up with her because I couldn't handle it anymore. The horrible part is that it was on the same day when we first started our relationship and to add things up, my friend introduced me to a friend of his and we hit it off pretty quickly. I couldn't stand myself, my cousin  was in so much pain. I've never seen her sad, she was always the happy type. I felt so guilty and I tried to contact her but she completely blocked me off.

Months later, I'm still in a relationship with this girl and found out that they're sending me to boot camp that month. (I enlisted shortly after I got my heart broken.) Before I left I read an email from my cousin saying that she loves me and it was her fault. I went through 3 months of boot camp and my GF of the time cheated on me... That's a horrible thing to hear right after graduating.

1 year later, I'm stationed in Camp Lejeune, NC and I found out that my cousin lives a state away now. I messaged her and we started to talk again. I went to visit her during a 4 day holiday and we spent sometime together. I eventually started feelings for her again and it's as strong as the first time. She feels the same but we're remaining friends for now.

I'm wondering if it's a good idea to be dating again.

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I personally don't see any reason not to peruse things now that the circumstances seem more sustainable for a relationship (the physical distance is much reduced), and you've both gone through your qualms and seem to have been able to move on from them. It sounds like there has obviously been a lot of love between you two ( I have been with my first cousin for years, and we also talk for hours each day over text and Skype and it never ever gets boring, so I am relating to your story a lot :) ).

The only possible issue to me is if she decides she doesn't want to try to move beyond being just friends again. She could be at a place now where she doesn't want to rekindle that kind of relationship with you, but you certainly don't know unless you try, and it sounds totally worth trying to me!

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I agree. Maybe you both have matured and changed and will be ready for a relationship. You were very young when you first began dating. Good luck! I hope it works out this time.

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