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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Darin41

What to do?

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Me and my cousin have some really strange relationship. I think I like her very much.. in the beginning i was thinking it was the cousin way but recently i started to feel jelous when she was dating other guys and stuff. I find her very attractive and i think she finds me too. When i tell her that she is beautiful she tells me that i am too and we are playing and flirting a lot.. Once she bited my ear and a week later she licked my forehead but i think this was because we were playing. I want to have sex with her and maybe more.. getting in relationship with her but I dont know is this weird? We go out a lot mostly to watch some new movies and eat and i dont want to screw this because i like it. But i want her very much I have sexual dreams with her and everytime we see each other and i look at her i feel so nervous. What should I do? Should I tell her or leave it this way? Im pretty sure she likes me but dont to do anything because we are cousins..

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Darin41,

What do? It depends on several factors. Like, how old are you? What State or Country are you in? Is she still dating others, or even perhaps one guy exclusively? Have you gotten, or are you in the process of getting a decent education, to where you can be on your own, and set your own rules?

You say you want to have sex with her, and maybe more, but in reality, you kinda have it assbackwards, pardon my French. If you intend to get in deep enough for sex, with all the drama that could come with it, you had best be prepared for the long haul first. 

Give us a little more information, and we'll try our best to point out the steps you should take. 

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Im 19 and she is 16 , we are both from a country where cousin relationships is tabboo or you can consider it sick or wrong and yes she is dating one guy. Last night she told me that this guy was feeling jelaous because of me and she told him that I am her 1st cousin and we are very close and for her something to happen between us would feel wrong and she was looking at me and I think she was expecting me to say something but I couldnt because if I agree with her that means to deny all my feelings but I cant and I dont know now I think of "breaking up" with her becaue I cant stand feel this way anymore. I love spending time with her and I know she loves it too but I just cant listen about her relationships anymore it hurts..

Sorry guys for my bad english

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Darin41,

  :cheesy: That's a little of why I asked how old, and added "or Country" to my reply. As a mod, I can have a little peek as to folks locations. I'm not being nosy, or trying to find your house or anything, (my look-up isn't that good anyhow) but I use it to try to determine what cultural and/or legal issues our good members could face. You didn't mention your specific country, so, I won't either. I must say though, for being from the region you are, your English is not bad at all, I'm impressed actually. You are obviously well read, and at least fairly well educated. From the tone of your post though, I had a feeling you two are still kinda young. Not a problem. We have younger members and lurkers here than you.

I know it will be difficult, but I'll tell you how I think you should handle this. I think, regardless of what she says about cousin relationships, she probably has strong feelings for you. But, being as young as she is, she suppresses them because she isn't old enough to face the drama. You, on the other hand, are getting there. You're at an age where you are forming your own opinions, as an adult, and are willing to act upon them. But, again, she isn't there yet. You're going to have to be patient, and wait on her to mature to more independent thinking. Easier to do now, where you are, as opposed to shortly before you were born, and several decades before that. Bide your time. Do as we say around here, and "put it on the back burner" for now. Stay in touch, stay close, encourage her in her studies, and do your best to ignore tales of this BF. Let her vent, just remember, it's a young "love" thing, and is most likely a temporary relationship.  In the meanwhile, do a little dating yourself. It won't hurt you a bit. It will help distract you, it will help you gain experience in dealing with women in general, and it will make you a more confident individual. It may also go toward revealing subtle, unconscious feelings toward you on her part. You don't do it intentionally to make her jealous, but take note if there seems to be a little of that on her part. Keep it on the back burner, but make mental notes. You are probably going to have to wait until she is at least your age, and, my preference would be for her to be 20-22 or so, and you to be 23-25. Stay close enough to know if this relationship of hers ends. At her age, it most likely isn't for life. If you stay close, you'll know if the timing is right, and you both are available at the same time. If the timing is right, THEN you slowly step it up. You start out with the good old tried and true "If you weren't my cousin .... " line. I have a more than sneaking suspicion, from your description of her comments, that she probably already feels that way. She would go out with you, except for the fact you're her cousin. Cross this bridge when you get to it, but find your distractions until then.

As far as the legalities where you are, I'm not sure. I've gotten pretty good at looking up such things here in the U.S., but it would take some digging to find out the exact legal situation. My initial gut feeling is that there is a 50/50 chance it IS legal there, but the resistance is as it is in the region, and West as a whole, and only cultural, over the last century. Meaning that, while the laws may still permit it, culturally over the last century, it has become more "taboo" than in the 19th Century. Again, this is speculation on my part, and I think we had a member from the Country directly north of you, who mentioned that it is NOT legal there. So, with the changes in the last couple decades in the region, who knows. I think I know a place to go to find out, if you would be interested in knowing for sure if legally you would want to pursue this. You're still a couple/few years from that point, but, if it would help you determine whether you would want to continue down this path or not, just ask, and I'll try to get a definitive answer for you. 

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I think you answer my question and no I don't want to bother you with the legal situation in my country.. at least not yet. I think I know what to do now I'll just keep the things as it is now , staying close to her , going out with her to watch some movies or just talking and see where the things are going. Thanks for your answer and for making it so detail it really helps me a lot. Now when one more person tells me what I was thinking I feel better.. there was one night where we were sitting on her bed talking and it was pretty late like 1-2 A.M.  and she was lying on my shoulder and keeping her legs on top of mine and I was feeling so wrong for the thoughts I had.. I wanted to kiss her and touch her and do things with her... whatever.

Thank you again:)) I think I'll use this forum more now. I'll keep you up-to-date if something "BIG" happens.

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So I know I haven't been around for a while so let me give you some updates about what is going on right now.. we went to cinema on december 21 and it was great then i took a little break from her i really can't stand her new boyfriend and the talking about him.. so we didn't see each other much on the holidays maybe 2 or 3 times at max. I stopped texting at her because I was mad at her and start texting and seeing other girls.. it went like this for 3 weeks and I don't know.. it's not the same, I don't feel the same with this other girls It's really different and then when I cut-off all my relationships with this girls she texted me.. the cinema I was talking about we watched a marathon of the "Hobbit" and she really likes it and me too of course it's my favourite with LOtR and i told her she should watch LOtR too and so she did and that's when she texted me to tell me she was watching LOtR and she was missing talking with me..I agreed watchig the last movie of LOtR with her and it was great.. I was keeping distance from her at first but she was playing with me and touching my arm so I decided to hold her hand but then she moved her hand from me.. I was really confused but I told myself "whatever i'll just watch the movie" and so I did.. when the movie was over we have talked for a bit and she told me that she had sex with her boyfriend 2 weeks ago and her period was late.. I got really scared about her and told her we should go to the drugstore and she should get a pregnancy test.. she did and it was negative *thank god* she was really happy and we hug each other.. it was one from these looong and warm hugs I was feeling really great then when she was pulling herself away she stopped her head in front of mine and looked me in the eyes aand.. i didn't kissed her it wasn't right for me and of course i don't know how she will react if i try to kiss her , after that i drived her home and left her.. then we started texting each other again and we agreed to have lunch the day after.. so we had 2 dates in 3 days after 3 weeks pause and it was so good almost perfect:) ..and here I am 3 days after all this sitting here wondering should I ask her out again? does she feel the same way for me like I do? i can't be sure about this..and all this with her boyfriend is driving me crazy I'm so jealous I think I am really in love with her:(

Thank you to all who bothers reading this,

sorry for my bad english again and

have a nice day/evening:)

I would appreciate some advices if you have.. thanks guys see ya

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