EileenC

Mother of Daughter in CC relationship

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Hi,

  I am the mother of a daughter in a relationship with her first cousin(my sister's son). I know it is not against biblical laws. My problem is my family. Some are religious fanatics who really know nothing about the bible, but think they do. I even tried to show them in their own scripture books how it is not against God's Laws to no avail. I had to remove myself and my children also stopped going to family functions for a whole year. My niece and nephews publicly posted on fb our argument concerning this issue. I was so angry. I still find it difficult to be around my family. But this year i was determined to get my family together again.

  At Thanksgiving my daughter and nephew were not together because of arguing. That is my biggest concern, they argue a good bit and break up for awhile. They are both head strong and i feel that my nephew is very possessive. I have even had conversations with my sister concerning this. Her husband has always been very possessive of her, not allowing her any or much personal freedom.

  I was also in a very bad situation in a relationship and it scares me to death that my daughter is walking in my footsteps. Like Mother, like Daughter. I have spoken to my daughter at length about this issue as well. 

  Just this past week i hosted the Christmas Party for our family. The whole family attended with the exception of one brother and some nieces and nephews who don't participate in Christmas or are just too far away to be here. I feel we have moved to a better place. I believe maybe they have all looked more into this issue and maybe have found a better understanding of the relationship.

  I have always taught my children to be tolerant of others. Love doesn't come in one option. It is universal and colorless. It is delicate. I am glad I found your site, as I have gained a greater understanding from reading the documentation and information included.  Thank you for allowing  me to join. I hope to help get rid of this ridiculous taboo.

Eileen

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i'm glad you found this site too! it's refreshing to find parents who are supportive of their adult children.

i'm a little confused though. you said your daughter and nephew break up frequently because they argue a lot, and then you said you've talked to your sister about this, and that's where i'm confused. is it your sister's husband who has been very possessive and controlling?

anyway, i think that's what you meant. so how old are your daughter and nephew?

as much as we, as parents, want to protect our adult children from painful experiences and relationships, we really can't. you did say 'like mother like daughter', but really it's more than that. it's just human nature. no child ever learns from their parent's mistakes. we all have to learn things the hard way. it's part of what makes us who we are. once our kids are grown, it's no longer our job to protect them. it's just our job to love them and to be supportive of them, in the good stuff and through the bad stuff.

as for any family members with lingering objections, ignore them. they're not worth wasting time over.

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You have some difficult people to deal with - I suggest you get a copy of the book:  NASTY PEOPLE:  HOW TO STOP BEING HURT BY THEM WITHOUT STOOPING TO THEIR LEVEL by Dr. Jay Carter.  It is about people who try to control how you think and how to handle them positively.

Read it as many times as you need to and share it with your daughter and her cousin.

It really, really works but you have to read it many times.

I've been reading it - lost count of how many times  LOL - since 1998.

Send me a private message if you have any questions.

Good luck

Nat

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I wish there were more parents like you, who support their children and truly love them unconditionally. The biggest fear many of us have is alienation of and rejection by family members once they find out who our hearts really belong to.

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