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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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advent

Lost

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Hello,

I'm 27 and i have been in love with my 1st cousin for quite some time, she's five years younger than me (so 22) and lives in some part of Central America. Throughout the years we have seen each other several times with her coming over and visiting with her family or me going over there with my folks.  However I have always had a hard time expressing my feelings to anyone especially her, while i will say i have lusted over other women i truly loved (more than a cousin) her but could never express that to her. Every time i saw her my heart skipped a beat, and I felt and still feel a knot in my throat when i see her, but she got married recently and i had to tell her tonight. I did mention to her that i did not expect anything from me telling her, but this was affecting the way i talked and interacted with her.

She told me that she viewed me as a cousin who she loved but not much more, then she started telling me how god had a plan for a wife for me and things.

While i could take the rejection ( i believe) ,i don't know what hit me more the god part or the just cousin part. Alcohol isn't helping me right now either, as it may have helped hide some of what I was feeling with other topics it's not doing it for this.

I just don't know where i am, I'm lost in despair. How do I move on after feeling this deep for some one for so long, and never really feeling this way about anyone else?

I'm the type of person who holds in everything, and I've taken so much from everyone,  but I just can't talk to anyone about this as they wouldn't understand.

any input would help

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advent, i'm really sorry you're feeling such a loss! i know you must be kicking yourself for having not told her at a more appropriate time... like when she was single. sometimes it's just human nature to wait til things are too late, and then blurt them out at a time when any chance for romance to blossom has long since passed. i don't imagine there's much comfort in knowing you aren't the first, nor will you be the last, to make that mistake.

she's right though. God does have a plan for you. of course, it's up to you whether or not you will allow His plan to unfold. it doesn't much sound right now like that is of much interest to you. and why would it be? hearing that from the woman you love is kinda like a kick in the stomach. but she wouldn't have said it if she didn't care.

letting go and moving on is not going to be easy. i wish i had some magic formula to make it happen overnight, but i don't. all i can say is that we'll always be here to lend an ear.

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Thanks for those words, i was pretty lost yesterday and still am. While growing up i have never felt anything towards anyone, i don't love anyone; immediate family, aunts uncles etc. i just see them like another person you would on a side walk say "hello" and goodby to, with the occasional "I Love you" thrown in. I am grateful for this life that has been provided but i just can't do it just with her

I have always felt like I'm just existing either by some twisted fate or some ones plan. How do i move forward with my life after the only woman i truly loved and felt something for is out, do i look towards a faith which i have abandoned? or try to keep myself busy with tasks?

(BTW i mean no offense to anyone's religion this is just where i am right now)

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all of the above! you move forward one step at a time, while looking towards faith and keeping busy.

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