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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Anyone been in situation like this? Please help

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Okay, I changed countries to study and moved in my cousin family. She (23) loves me for a long time. She told me since she was like 12.

I fell in love with her after two months after staying in same house and seeing each other everyday.

Now her brother, (living in the same house) found out about us. I got in a big argument with him and now we don't talk to each other for months.

In all that time, I consider him as a security camera in the house. I'm always uncomfortable when hes around with me and my cousin.

Now the thing is also that my love for my cousin has gone trough the roof that I can't take it anymore.

I cannot stand to see her everyday and not kiss/hug or do anything like normal GF/BFs. We always have to make excuses and act around her parents/brother/everybody.

When we go out together we always go out at different times and meet each other at a certain time.

Its also shitty to witness her relationship with her parents and brother, the arguments they have, jokes. Basically everything. I always go to a room and let them do their family thing.

I have the feeling I don't belong in this house and I'm kind of unhappy. I love my cousin so much that I cannot imagine a life without her.

We have made future plans like when we have the money to move out. Her plans is to act like we are both singles and live alone. So two separate houses but be with each other everyday. But this is not even close to happening anytime soon. Our relation is so strong that we are talking about marriage/kids and I got her almost pregnant aswelll. In the extreme case we are both willing to let the world know and sacrifice everybody.

So long story short; We both love each other and live in the same house. We have to act all the time expect if we are out together. When we go out we have to be alert so we don't see close friends or family.

And her brother knows a little bit about us and lives in the same house. Is it even healthy to see your girlfriend everyday and not be able do anything? Even normal GFs/Bfs do not see each other everyday and witness when they take a :bleep: and when they eat their dinner. 

I have no clue what to do, I'm almost going mental..

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My name is Kris, I?m still Pre K here with everything. The last 5 years. my cousin Tracy and I didn't grow up together, needless to say when we met 5 years ago, the flame started instantly between him and I. We have gone the last 5 years having to hide from everyone outside the family about us, we have away know this genuine love, but feel miserable and crazy thinking no one would understand or think we are nuts. Long story I can get into later, but yes we do live together as well. I moved from KC to our hometown and we moved in together. His  mom ( my aunt) has been kicked out of where she was staying, so she moved in with us. Only difference with our situation is his Mom, dad, Bro, Aunt, our Uncle, all have known about us for along time now, and we have support from family, (which I'm wondering if this is a blessing for us since I know that doesn't happen often for peopl)e. His mom and my mama ( she's passed on) where sisters. My aunt has had the hardest time accepting us. Since she has lived with us the last few months, she realized that this isn't some foolish gig, we actually are in love with each other. I recently in the last week have been confronted by more people that they knew about him and I.... and are supportive. Feels like a weight lifted after all this time. However my Tracy has no idea yet that this revaluation happened. We have hidden it for so long that he recently started to shut me out. Talking, touch, look, everything, so know I'm scared. I had to act single for the longest time in front of his friends, peeps I worked with, etc. Tracy has always had to take on his friends flirting  with me and not being able to do a thing about it, and it's eating him alive. I just  realized that no matter the situation we r in, he can't change how he FEELS, and his jealousy and it's taking him over. I myself in the last week just told someone for the first time outside my bubble that I love my cousin, and I was not judged, told in fact this happens more then you we think. I started to take ownership of US, and it felt amazing. I don?t know how long your situation has been, but You and or your cousin need to find someway to take ownership of what is real. Mine just happened when Tracy?s cousin confronted me. We have been blessed that most have been supportive in the family, but now I?m learning that WE need to branch off and take on what is ours. Tracy is struggling with all this, I haven?t been able to open up to him about any of this yet. I feel that if you take that first step and LET GO of that fear of rejection FIRST, she just may follow your footsteps. At this point with myself, I had to change me no matter what happens. He may follow, he may run, but I have to be prepared for that. I am free of that bondage of hiding (not saying its not uncomfortable but you gotta start somewhere ;-)

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Johnwick, cousin marriage is legal in all of europe and half the US. i'm not sure what state you are in so I'm not sure about the legalities where you are currently living. what i can say is this, however. you are both grown adults. and since neither of you are from countries where your parents can force marital decisions upon you, they really don't get a say in the matter.

you can allow your family (and hers) to dictate your lives for you if you wish, but you'll always be miserable if you do. that's a very unhealthy family dynamic. and the only way to get on top of it is to stop being a wuss, stand up to them, and say "this isn't wrong, and you can either accept it or stay out of it." you just need to be prepared to find a new place to live. and at 23 years old, you really should be out on your own anyway. go rent a small apartment and move out. TOGETHER. because until you learn to have a backbone, you'll always feel like you're going mental.

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LadyC hit the nail on the head in this case...

I was once in the same situation as you. My (now husband) family did not accept our relationship, even though we are second cousins and they said it was wrong. He is 29 and I am 26, his parents and other family members forced us to broke up for and filled his head with crap! 3 weeks went by then I returned to collect my things he had decided he was ready to man up and face his family.

He had grown a back bone and was ready to stand up for our relationship. That's what needs to happen in your case as well. You need let her family know how you feel and that you are adults. Your actions are non of their business.

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