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He is getting engaged and i am being forced to watch .. What should i do .. ?

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OK a general warning this post is loooong so bear with me please cause i cant talk about with anyone . The only person who knew everything about me and my cousin was my best friend who sadly passed away :(

Me and him are first cousins .Ours is huge happy family from India, I live in Bombay and he lives in the southern state of Kerala which is where we are basically from .I believe that my grandparents decided that sex was the best entertainment ever and ended up with 9 children, 25 grand children and over 14 great grand children and counting .In short it's a big *** family literally and figuratively! Being based in Bombay my parents and most of their siblings who had moved to Bombay in search of greener pastures and settled here made an annual trip to our hometown in Kerala , south of India .That where I met him ,a little boy crouching away , not every happy with their Bombay intruders who bombarded his home with an alien language and did I mention that at any give point during one of these visits there could be at least 21 people living in a 6 bed room home at any given time and this with just one bathroom .Looking back now it seems incredible but we lived and enjoyed it .

This little boy who particularly didn't like me was my cousin, who when we both were 8 became my best buddy. I was raised in concrete jungle and he in country side .He taught how to climb trees, be patient while fishing, bring down fruits with stones and drawing water from the well among other things .The adorable friendship was so strong that when it was time for me to leave he chased our car as far as his little legs would carry him, crying all the way. Time moved on each year we got closer and them we hit puberty .Suddenly the innocent friendship turned into innocent crush and before we knew it we became a long distance couple .sort of .We couldn't call as there was no phone in our country home .Couldn't write without the who family knowing it .We just had to patiently wait till I got there .When I was 14 he kissed me, I had never been kissed before nor did I know how to respond. I decided I would be better next time I got there and I was better, in fact our little kisses got deeper, passionate and we realized we are giving into our hormones but decided to wait on having sex till we get married and kept sinking in love. Yes we were deeply in love .He would save everything I left behind I always gave him something to remember me and so did he , he once gave me a small heart shaped locket which I wore each day inspire that I was allergic to it .We are worried about our future but wanted each other in it . We were kids, but in love till we turned 18 and reality hit us FIRST COUSINS ARE LIKE SIBLING THEY DON?T GET MARRIED!

We started restraining ourselves told each other and ourselves it was over dated different people all but ignored each other when we met annually .it was horrible .then he came to live with us in Bombay working for my uncle, I was dating a abusive control freak, his relationship had hit a rough patch both of us were down in dumps and ended up in each others arms and realized that this is where we fit .He soon went abroad for his job and we rarely kept in touch but whenever we met we would rekindle what was between us .Believe it or not no guy can make me feel the way he does and it's the same with him .He wants me , needs me , loves me but can't have me .His love for me I can feel it when he holds me , kisses me in fact we kissed last time when we met that was 6 months ago .He said he will be forever in love with me .I said I know me too .

His parents have been insisting upon his marriage and he is getting engaged to a girl of his choice .She hates our family , knows nothing about him or us ,is needy and clingy but he seems to be fine by her .so we reluctantly gave it our blessing .He will be engaged in 20 days and then it's all truly over .But I still can't stop loving him , I am crying as I type this cause I know he loves me too but to stand by and watch him slip a ring on her finger would be the death of me . I guess that my punishment for my forbidden love.

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