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dee

next step with my cousin

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Hello, :laugh:

I'm new here, but i took the courage to write you my story.

First of all, i apologize for my bad english. I'm from Europe and my english skills are a little bit rusty.

I think my love story is like all the others but i will feel better if i put it down in words.

I have a close family, basically all my aunts and uncles will get together to my grandparents house every time they get the chance.

My mother has a sister, that sister (my aunt) has twins, one boy and a girl.

Since i was little i spent my summer with them,and even if i was very young i was feeling very attracted to my cousin, it was like a invisible rope around me and he was pulling me closer and closer.

He is 28,i'm 23 years old.

He is living in a town at 400 km away from me. We were talking at the phone daily, and laughing .... sometimes staying in silence, both wanting to say things that we felt but didn't had the courage to express.

In 2009  his sister got married so i came to the wedding. I was 17 years old and he was 22. We danced at that wedding together and looked in to each others eyes like we were the bride and groom. Eventualy, we ended up together...  3 days of love and pasion . I never felt so alive, never. After that we tried to sneak up ,and be together as much as we could.

Weekends apart just the two of us, summer vacations....

Last year i got a job in his town, he lives in a apartment with his elder brother, and they asked me to move in with them so i could save some money.

I accepted....i'm still thinking if it was a mistake or not.

Normally i have my room ,because is a 3 rooms apartment, but because we spent each night together, i started to sleep in his room. He has a bed and a couch, so we tell our family that we sleep in different beds.

It's such a hard feeling, i had a relationship of 4 years but i ended up cause i didn't feel for my ex what i feel for my cousin. We both tried to have relationships but we just can't have that feeling with another person.

Last Christmas we had our first fight, and i went home at my parents for 3 days. I can say that in those 3 days both me and him , we didn't eat, we didn't smiled, we didn't talked to anyone. We just talked at phone for hours and hours, and when i came back ....it was like haven.

I cried in his arms and he cried in mine, promise never to leave each other.

Now we are ...scared..because we can't tell our families...my father will never look at me again if he finds out.

Both my mother and his mother, had a rough start in life, and after that had an awful fight with cancer....i think that a news like this will tear them appart.

He doesn't like to talk about him and he is very careful about showing his feeling. But i managed to reach to him, and he is open to me ,he is telling me everything.

When he has a problem or he is sick i feel him, i just know when something is wrong even if he is trying to hide it.

We complete each other and we support each other.He makes me a better person and i help him to reach his goals.

We are on stand-by right now...a "in-closet" , relationship, i'm scared that i will never be able to let go of him and i don't want to ....but if we can't do the next step.what should we do??  :cry: :cry:

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Hi!

From my experience with my first cousin. What I can tell you is that if you keep it in the closet for along time, it will tear you both apart. He and I have tried twice to have a serious relationship, and right now he is battling to keep our relationship or not. It's been 5 years off and on twice. We can't let go of each other .Our situation, We didn't grow up together, we are both almost 30 and we were re-connected back in 2009. Even though we didn't grow up together, our bond is closer than anyone we've ever been with. I even watched him get married, and give all to that one girl, but he could never shake me off even after he was married. They are divorced now. We are living with each other, but here is why he is having such a battle. For years we have hidden our relationship. Eventually his side otf the family knew and were happy for us. ( my mom died the same year we re-connected, that's why I don't talk about my side) He had one aunt that he always confided in with our relationship, however she passed away a year ago. He will not open up to his close friends about US. We both have hidden our relationship from FRIENDS for so long that we were both loosing ourselves in it. He had no one to talk to besides family. He became jealous over time when we would be around his friends, they'd find interest with me, and he couldn't do anything about it. I understood finally that even though the situations were innocent (always around other people) it was how he FELT, that he couldn't let go of. Just be careful and keep good communication with each other, and don't worry like I had for so long about people finding out. I was recently called out by a couple about US, and I was able to spill everything. After that, found out even more people knew and no one judged.It felt amazing! But I'm praying since no ones called him out yet that it's not too late for him and I to continue. He's hurting bad over this. It's really a beautiful love we have, and I'm sure it's the same for both of you.

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Thank you very much for your answer. The truth is that we are both really scared and we don't know what to do, we just hope things will get better in time or will find a solution somehow... For me this situation is crazy...i feel powerless because i can find an answer, a way so that we can all be ok, my family,his family, and US

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