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bikashm

I call it a Drama

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3 posts in this topic

Introduction :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:

I come from a lower middle class family of a emerging asian country. I met my first cousin when i visited her place around 12 years back...we started liking each other though we were kids..this fondness continued for couple of years and finally I proposed her when i was during my initial years at university. now both of us has graduated. she is working with a major company...n i am trying to continue studies...we have already informed our families..

before we go further just have a look at the characters in this Drama:

Tom: me, a guy in his thirties, with a very good college degree wants to pursue phd abroad.

Jerry : my first cousin, with whom i am in love for around 8 years, she is working and do not want to move out of the country.

kol: my only elder brother

mom: my mother, she is very nice....she met with an road accident few months back...had head injuries...i am afraid of talking rude to her...

Mita: sum gal who is living wwith us from around 8years...she married one of my uncles and my mom loves her and people say my mom is under her spells.

aunty: she is mom's sister and Jerry's mother.

the problems are here:

1. my mother fears thats if i marry jerry...jerry may insist on repelling mita out of my house...so she is against it...sometimes she is so ferocious....i am afriad i may loose my cool....and shout at her.

2. mita keeps me reminding that she only can help me convicing my mom....which is damm irrritating...i hate when sumone make use of my situation

3. i want to marry couple of years latter but aunty is asking me to talk to my family and convince for it right now... in my opinion i cant marry now... financially i am down...

4. as i am in a joint family all the family members keep calling me and disturbing me with their warnings and threats for getting married to my jerry, i cant concentrate on my work and studies....

5. i have developed hypertension which is not letting me do anything i want....

6. mom dont like aunty...bcoz aunty doesnot like mita in my house..so marrying jerry is a nightmare....

7. kol wants me to leave all these behind and work for my dreams.....the problem is he is convinced but with some hesitations....kol does not want to put mom and dad under tension...

8. mom threatening me to end her relationship wiith me if i marry jerry....she cannot allow us to live with her in our society

what to do guys.....:( :( :(

i am confused....is my love a shame?? y people behave ike this??

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bikashm,

You're 30. I'll assume Jerry is somewhere close to that age. Is it legal to marry in your country? Some Asian countries it is, some it is not, kind of like the 50 States here in the U.S. That is an issue you should look at first. For the time being, put all this drama out of mind. FOCUS ON YOUR STUDIES. Tell the drama club to close their mouths for at least long enough for you to focus on getting your schooling finished. Remind them it does you nor them any good for you to NOT get your degree.

As I see it, the drama club as I will call them, is not your biggest issue to come. It is the fact that Jerry doesn't want to follow you. That will be your bridge to cross when the time comes. You do not have to be rude to your Mother, just firm. Remember, you are 30. You are not 15. You get your life to live. They have theirs, you have yours. So long as there is a legal way to marry your beloved, they can chew the cud, and bellow all they want. In the end, there is nothing they can do about it, so they may as well get use to the idea. Has Jerry indicated she would put Mita out of the house? If not, this is irrational on your Mothers' part. And, how would it be Jerry's decision anyhow? She wouldn't exactly be a guest in the house, but, it isn't her house either. It is the head of households' decision whether Mita stays or not, regardless of her influence on the family. If she's willing to speak for you and Jerry, whether it is being manipulative on her part or not, she must not have a problem with Jerry. Why would anyone think Jerry would have a problem with her?

You do have some drama, but, I like your plan of waiting until you are in the position you feel you need to be before you make the life long commitment of marriage. Ignore these goings-on until you are in such a position, and can be independent, as you will surely want to be, from the sound of things.

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why don't you ask jerry if she has any objections to mita living with you after marriage? maybe some assurance is what everyone needs.

better yet, why don't you ask jerry if the two of you can live ALONE together once married? some privacy is definitely what every married couple needs.

as for everyone calling you to share their warnings, their advice, their threats, etc... here's the solution. you tell them all that you would love to talk to them about anything else, but the subject of your love life is OFF LIMITS. if they don't respect that, you warn them politely that you are hanging up now. and then do it.

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