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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Is the First look this intense?? how to deal?

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Hi everyone,

Okay, I'm just going to start writing, and get this big weight off my chest...I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or if this "thing" just happened?? I'm scared/confused/tired/anxious.

This was just was so sudden...he actually looked at me for the First time...not so in a brotherly way (you know that "look", right?)

I don't want to give specifics (how far/near related we are, what he does etc). I'm just a bit worried - and am not sure if he knows of this site. I'd be in SO much trouble if anyone finds out - especially him - just to be safe.

Last week he did something so sweet for me - some task that would help me work better, and I never asked for him to do it. He just felt that I needed it and you know what they say right, "Actions speak louder than words"? His family was around, they saw what he did and I think they know he cares about me - but I also know he does do this for people, and that this is the kind of absolute gem that he is.

I am his one woman fan club if you will. I admire him for all the man that he is, the way he had done things in his life this far - someone just so charismatic, empathetic, smart, funny, friendly guy. I don't know how I can ever go on living my existence without his presence in it. There. You see...? I'm about to just die...I don't know what's happened to me.

I feel so happy/acknowledged, yet so anxious.  Usually I'm pretty calm and when something like this happens (usually when I see that a guy likes me, I don't feel so "alive"). It feels as if my SOUL has been returned back to me. My chest hurts - and yes, almost zero food goes in. But I need the strength to focus on my life. This "thing" has taken over me for the past few days, that I need to PRAY for strength to focus on my task.

I'm sure he's probably going through this as well.

I have always had this "knowing"/"feeling" about someone who's right for me - and ever since the first time he was introduced to me, I thought "only if he wasn't related to me in this manner" - and always behaved all friendly and normal.

He is usually SO friendly and gregarious, that I never thought he saw me in this light. I always have this amazing "energy"/chemistry(?) when I'm near him - and such similar worldviews and all, that I passed it off as cousin/friends.

Isn't it strange that the very person we decide to hide our feelings so well from for so long already knows what we are doing, and that it's SUCH a waste of effort be pretending at all in the first place? Truth is, all along, they were right there with us keeping pace. Of course. How stupid of me.

Ok. So what happened?

I was just smiling into his smiling eyes saying "bye, thanks (for what he did)" and all of a sudden, there comes this change in his eyes, and that LOOK - simply did me in for 3 days.

The whole looking into his eyes, smiling, casting my eyes downward, must have been all of 10 seconds but for me it was and eternity and

ALL of these at once:

A. Shock. Look close for a flicker of a sec. to confirm if I was reading the look right,

B. Scared that he would even venture to RISK this, 

C. Absolute embarrassment/shyness that he would know that I actually liked him in this manner

D. When I kept my eyes down I didn't know if I should look back up - or just melt into the floor (like in the movie Amelie? lol).

I was worried will he think I am being too forward if I looked back into his eyes (after all this is forbidden between cousins right?)

The thing that has hit me so hard these past few days. THIS is why I am confused: I have so many questions - since HE has CHOSEN to cross this bridge. Do men EVEN PROCESS this so much? If he hasn't/ was impulsive, How do I go about setting boundaries (usually I'm careful)?

was this something new in him/ OR I am going through some stuff and i'm in a vulnerable place - was he taking advantage of the vulnerability??

*Does he not know that this changes Everything in how we relate here on?

*That I can NEVER look at him the same way again?

*Why did he risk this? Does he not want my relationship as a cousin?

*So, Has he never thought of me as cousin sister?

*Does he not respect me?

Should I just pass it off as simple flirting? If he never brings this up and never talks about it/avoids me/has a girlfriend/he is too much of a coward - he'd have no trouble finding a girl/probably has one - not sure how I will deal with it if I do find out. How do I not FEEL so anxious?

Does FIRST time acknowledgement feel as INTENSE as this?? Okay, so how did you all actually deal with this? I know he knows, and he know that I know. NO words or I'm scared to look at him yet - been doing the avoiding thing.

Since I am feeling all this I'm afraid it will show - because whenever we meet there are his people around him who sense this between us.

Pray for me you guys.

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It sounds like you have it bad. My advice to you is just go for it. Just tell him how you feel. Don't come across as desperate or anything, but just mention it casually. Trust me, if he is interested he will jump on the oppertunity.

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*Does he not know that this changes Everything in how we relate here on?

Know that once you do act on those feelings of love it WILL change everything. Your relationship will never be the same, so be sure this is what you want.

Every relationship is different but I have never had a more spiritual, intimate, psychic relationship with anyone in my life then with my cousin and I am 54 and divorced. This man understands me because he has known me his whole life, he knows my good qualities and my bad qualities and loves me for both, he treats me with the greatest respect and touches me emotionally to the greatest depth of my being.

*That I can NEVER look at him the same way again?

You might discover you just didnt allow yourself to look at him in that light.

*Why did he risk this? Does he not want my relationship as a cousin?

When my cousin expressed his love for me a year ago he was 56, he told me he had been in love with me since we were teens but he was embarrassed and felt ashamed of his feelings. He told me he didnt want to look back at the end of his life and have regrets....that was his reason for risking rejection from me....he didnt want to have regrets.  Our new relationship is much stronger and deeper then the cousin love we had once shared.

*So, Has he never thought of me as cousin sister?

Your calling your relationship with your cousin a cousin sister relationship is what prompted me to respond to your post. Once upon a time I would have described my relationship with my cousin as a cousin brother/sister relationship. I now think we were that close because of the underlying feelings we had for each other that we could not awknowledge to ourselves (taboo) let alone express. Look inside your soul for the answers and you will find the truth.

*Does he not respect me?

If I understand your post correctly it sounds like he respects you greatly. If the only thing that is expressing a love stronger then family love is his eyes, and he has not acted on it then it sounds like he is a man with a lot of self control and one that respects you greatly.

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