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Guest MarQuita

First Cousin

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MarQuita,

See LadyC's reply to you in the other thread.

One of the Admins, Colorado Married, has two daughters, perfectly healthy, who, IIRC, are just over and approaching 20 years old. He's been a very busy boy of late, but has recently said he plans to pop in a little more often. Perhaps you could login, to where you can send him a PM.

I saw where you were in chat a short while ago. If you are still here and see this, I'll have chat running in the background for a while, while I do a little housekeeping around the site here. Pop back in if you would like.

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Thank you. I seen her reply, I just wanted to get answers from couples that are actually in my situation so I could feel better because I'm still freaking out. Lol.

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MarQuita15,

I'm sure there probably are, I just happened upon that while doing a little housekeeping on the site here. I know there were more, but the pictures in the picture thread were lost, and many older posts are archived and not available any longer. I have noticed a peculiar phenomenon in such threads. It seems that when a thread such as yours comes up, it seems to draw lurkers out, and causes them to join, and tell of how they are a cousin couple, have had kids, and there were no problems. Perhaps someone in that situation will join up and reply to you.....

At any rate, if you are due in April, and there were to be some major issue with your baby, I would think it would have most likely surfaced by now. I'm assuming you've had all of the standard prenatal care as recommended.

Since you haven't mentioned it, I'm curious as to if you've had stress and drama out of family over this? Have they been the ones telling you the "old wives' tales'?

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MarQuita15,

I'm sure there probably are, I just happened upon that while doing a little housekeeping on the site here. I know there were more, but the pictures in the picture thread were lost, and many older posts are archived and not available any longer. I have noticed a peculiar phenomenon in such threads. It seems that when a thread such as yours comes up, it seems to draw lurkers out, and causes them to join, and tell of how they are a cousin couple, have had kids, and there were no problems. Perhaps someone in that situation will join up and reply to you.....

At any rate, if you are due in April, and there were to be some major issue with your baby, I would think it would have most likely surfaced by now. I'm assuming you've had all of the standard prenatal care as recommended.

Since you haven't mentioned it, I'm curious as to if you've had stress and drama out of family over this? Have they been the ones telling you the "old wives' tales'?

Well, I got pregnant at the end of July. I noticed that I was late got my monthly in August. I got a little worried. I gave it about a week and I still didn't start so I called my cousin and told him that I was late. His whole personality change. He wasn't the same person I loved. He didn't want anything to do with the baby. He wanted me to kill the baby ( abortion or purposely try to have a miscarriage ) but I told him I was against it and I couldn't kill the baby. Oh yeah, nobody knew we was messing around at that time. We kept it a secret. So since my cousin was treating me wrong, I haven't talked to him. I was very close with my step sister so I told her that I thought I was pregnant. I told her the baby's father was my cousin. She was surprised but didn't judge. So she took me to the store to get a pregnancy test and when I took it, it came up positive. I was scared. So I called my cousin and Told him that the test was positive, he still didn't want anything to do with me or the baby. He started saying the baby wasn't his and everything when he knew she was his. He told me that he knew the baby was his but he just didn't want a baby with his cousin. Ig, he don't want to be judged but he should've thought about that before he did what he did. But anyways, my step sister took me to get doctor, that's when they confirmed that I was pregnant. They took me to the back to see the baby. That's when I first seen her, she was so tiny. I wanted to cry. I was only 8 weeks along at that time. So since I knew for sure that I was pregnant, I had to tell my step mom and my dad. I told my step mom and I was scared to tell my dad that I was pregnant. ( They didn't know the baby was my cousin's yet ) My step mom told my dad and I was scared. He called me down stairs. Surprisingly he wasn't mad. He just gave me a lecture. They asked who the baby's father was and I was scared to tell them it was my cousin's so I lied and made up a boy.  A week or two later, somehow my step mom found out it was my cousin's and she told my dad. My dad was mad. He wanted to kill me and my cousin. He went to my cousin's house while I was at school. When I got home, it turns out that my cousin lied to my dad about everything. He made it seem as though I raped him. He was the one who started the whole thing and I was stupid to go along with it. The more we was messing around, i started having feelings for my cousin. My cousin was messing with allot of females. I confronted him about it and he would swear up and down that he wasn't messing around with them when I knew he was lying. But I loved him too much to let him go and he would say things to make me fall for it. I should've followed my instincts and ended what we had but I didn't and now I'm pregnant. I don't regret my daughter but she got here the wrong way. I can't wait until I finally get to see her. But anyways back to the story. My dad told everyone in my family that I was pregnant by my cousin. Everyone judged me, that's why I don't like to talk about it. When I say everyone judged me, everyone did. Even my step sister. One day we was arguing and she said something about my situation so now I see how she really feels. Everyone is believing my cousin. Everyone is saying the baby isn't his because he said it. He was the only one I was messing around with. I told him to take a DNA test but he said he won't take one. That's how I know he knows she is his. I want to get a DNA test so I can prove everyone wrong. And yes, everyone is saying something will be wrong with my baby since me and my cousin are first cousins. That's y I'm so worried. Till this day, me and my cousin still isn't talking or getting along. He doesn't even want to come see her when she's born. He knows that's I'm struggling and he's not even helping buy her things. It's like me or the baby don't exist to him. She will grow up without her father but she will have me. Well I be able to put him on child support??

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your baby is going to be just fine. what a wonderful, brave young mom you are! as for your coward of a cousin, forget about him. he's not worthy of you.

and yes, you can get child support (theoretically), but it's going to require one of two things. either you are going to have to sue for it and get a judge to make a DNA test mandatory, or go on state assistance. when welfare picks up the tab, they do whatever they can (supposedly) to go after the father and make him start paying so the state doesn't have to anymore. and they also want reimbursement for what they've already paid.

keep in mind though that even if a judge orders him to pay, that doesn't mean he actually will. lots of deadbeat dads in the world. i was once married to one. my first husband was ordered to pay child support and never did. by the time my kids were grown and gone, he owed me something like 67,000 in back child support and interest. he was on probation for not paying, but his probation officer didn't give a rat's tail whether he paid or not, and refused to have him arrested for it.

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Yes i am ine of those. Got married with my first cousin and we had our first born daughter; 3 yo now an now we are teying to conceive again :') 

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your baby is going to be just fine. what a wonderful, brave young mom you are! as for your coward of a cousin, forget about him. he's not worthy of you.

and yes, you can get child support (theoretically), but it's going to require one of two things. either you are going to have to sue for it and get a judge to make a DNA test mandatory, or go on state assistance. when welfare picks up the tab, they do whatever they can (supposedly) to go after the father and make him start paying so the state doesn't have to anymore. and they also want reimbursement for what they've already paid.

keep in mind though that even if a judge orders him to pay, that doesn't mean he actually will. lots of deadbeat dads in the world. i was once married to one. my first husband was ordered to pay child support and never did. by the time my kids were grown and gone, he owed me something like 67,000 in back child support and interest. he was on probation for not paying, but his probation officer didn't give a rat's tail whether he paid or not, and refused to have him arrested for it.

So I'll have to go to a judge in order for him to pay child support?? And thank you. I truly believe that if a baby's father isn't helping with his baby, he should get locked up or some type of other punishment because that's not fair that I have to struggle taking care a baby by myself when he helped make her. I didn't get pregnant by myself. He just over there acting like nothing happened, having a happy life while I'm over here struggling. He never came to my doctor's appointments with me. The only person who came with me was my little sister. She was happy to see her niece lol. But anyways, I want him to suffer because as I said that's not fair. He just used Me for sex. Than when I got pregnant, I Really never seen him again.

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Yes i am ine of those. Got married with my first cousin and we had our first born daughter; 3 yo now an now we are teying to conceive again :')

Awww, congratulations. So your daughter is perfectly normal??

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Ofcourse! Prettier and perfectly normal than some other child who were  a product of non cousins. She  is healthy and smart. She has an advance growth and development and easily learns than my cousin's babies. I can compare their development  and he babies are way too slow and late than my baby.

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ok well actually, you don't HAVE to go get a judge's order. you can just ASK the dad and hope that he will.... but don't hold your breath!

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Ofcourse! Prettier and perfectly normal than some other child who were  a product of non cousins. She  is healthy and smart. She has an advance growth and development and easily learns than my cousin's babies. I can compare their development  and he babies are way too slow and late than my baby.

Ok. Thank you so much. I feel much better now. My baby will most likely be a healthy baby.

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ok well actually, you don't HAVE to go get a judge's order. you can just ASK the dad and hope that he will.... but don't hold your breath!

You mean ask him if he want to go to court to get this solved??

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meaning ask the dad if he'll support his child. chances are slim that he'll agree since he's denying it is even his own.

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meaning ask the dad if he'll support his child. chances are slim that he'll agree since he's denying it is even his own.

I been asked him. He said isn't taking care of her, even if she is his.

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then you're going to have to take him to court probably to get a dime out of him... and even then you might not really see any.

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then you're going to have to take him to court probably to get a dime out of him... and even then you might not really see any.

Well I talked to my other cousin about my situation and he told me that if he don't pay, he can go to jail. Is that true??

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Do not rely on legal information that isn't given you by a lawyer - and. with a lawyer, you might want to get a second opinion.  This will depend on which state you live in and a lot of other factors. 

I'm in chat now if you would like to talk.

HUGS

Nat

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yeah, what nat said. theoretically, in some states that could happen. even in my state it could have and should have happened, but didn't. so while it's easy to sit back and say yes, someone could go to jail, it doesn't always happen. but sometimes when a mom sues for child support and a judge grants it, the dad actually pays.

you really do need to see a lawyer. there are a lot who will give you a free consultation.

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Do not rely on legal information that isn't given you by a lawyer - and. with a lawyer, you might want to get a second opinion.  This will depend on which state you live in and a lot of other factors. 

I'm in chat now if you would like to talk.

HUGS

Nat

Oh, so don't go to court without a lawyer??

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I spent a number of years as a Deputy Clerk of Court - what happens in the real court system is NOT what you see on TV and in the movies.

Nat

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yeah, what nat said. theoretically, in some states that could happen. even in my state it could have and should have happened, but didn't. so while it's easy to sit back and say yes, someone could go to jail, it doesn't always happen. but sometimes when a mom sues for child support and a judge grants it, the dad actually pays.

you really do need to see a lawyer. there are a lot who will give you a free consultation.

This sounds too overwhelming. I'm only 16 lol. Don't u have to pay for a lawyer?? See I'm trying not to go through all of this. That's why I'm trying to let me and him work it out but he is acting immature.

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Absolutely NO - would you try to be your own doctor?  We're talking very, very complicated situations here.

Come into chat and I'll try to give you some pointers.

HUGS

Nat

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