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JaneNY

Do you tell people that you're cousins?

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In a relationship.  Except for close friends and family, it is top secret.  Difficult to keep in a secret and suspect other people will figure it out.  Do you tell people even though you risk being judged?  Do you keep it a secret forever?  Do you lie?  What has been your experience?  Thanks

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While she has not told anyone, I have confided in close friends.  Perhaps one day she'll be ready to tell family.

I look at it this way...unless they know both of you, people don't ask you if you are cousins.  To me,  I have no reason to flaunt it and feel no shame.  I consider my relationship as normal as any other, so why would I offer that information.

That being said, our family suspects but does not ask.  Out of respect for her choice, I make no point to be "lovey" in front of our family...of course a term of endearment slips out occassionally.😄

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I have always maintained that I will never lie about our relationship.  Lying implies we are covering for something we have done wrong.  I love her with every fiber...impossible for me to lie about us.

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we tell people. heck, we've gone on tv, been in magazines and newspapers, the whole world knows! but the older we get, the less frequently we tell, maybe because it just doesn't come up so often. although, we've only been going to our current church since november and four people there already know.

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We don;t offer it up(information) unless asked.

I figure, if I am being asked, they already know.

Funny, the only person to ever ask me so far after 2 years is a distant cousin (3rd) - and she is married to her first cousin LOL! Funny but true!

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We don't deny it, but we are quite hesitant to come right out and say it.  Most of our closest friends know that RJ and I are first cousins, but there are a few we haven't clued-in.  One of my girlfriends comes from a huge family (all of her friends are her cousins) and she has said some rather anti-CC stuff, so she's kept in the dark.  I did tell her a story however that got me into some serious back-peddling. the story of how RJ's mom fainted at my cousin's summer wedding. My astute friend was quick to question why my boyfriend's mom was invited! *insert foot in mouth*

RJ's ex-wife tried to shame us when she found out about our relationship, posting awful things on the facebook, telling all her other mom-friends. It hurt, and I certainly received some Mean Girl stares at school events, but no one ever said a word. Now, I think most people have forgotten the gossip, and in the end, it doesn't really matter. 

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Some people know, but for the most part, no, I don't tell.

I don't tell for several reasons.

1.  It's nobody's business

2.  Why would I?

3.  I work for a religious institute and frankly, don't know how they would react.  I do know their theological stance on it (they refuse to consecrate a marriage between 1st cousins), so out of self-preservation, I keep my mouth shut.

I've only had one person inquire about my cuz and I, and that was a nephew of an estranged sister.  I simply refused to even engage in the conversation.  Not that I am particularly opposed to letting my sister know, but the fact that she didn't have the chutzpah to ask me herself, that she used her teenage son to try and garner info out of me and that frankly, I've not told her anything personal in years; it just seemed like she was being a nosy little so and so and I did not want to play nice.

There is no reason to lie to anyone, just give them as much truth as they need to know.  When asked how we met, I often say that he and I have known each other since childhood and we ran into each other several times as adults, and the last time we saw each other we both knew that this was our time.  Simple.  Straightforward.  Truthful.

As far as being judged...I'm too old to give a flying flip.  I am who I am and frankly, I like the person I am.  Go judge away all you want, it will have no bearing on how I live my life.

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When my partner and I are in the village where he currently lives, the two of us are the only people there who speak with the same accent, some assumed we must've gotten together when he's travelled back to our home town, but a few have actually asked how we met and I tell them honestly. I don't want to weave a web of deceit, as I'm unashamed of our relationship. Luckily, they respect my honesty and shrug it off. It's a small village and cousin pairings are quite common.

All of my friends in my hometown now know, and no one has said anything negative to our faces. Live and let live ❤

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It's not a secret, it's simply not everyone's business. It is not a factor in my life. Why make it one?

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It's not a secret, it's simply not everyone's business. It is not a factor in my life. Why make it one?

exactly!

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We don't see the sense in telling everyone, do other people go around saying how they're not cousins?

That said, if someone asks & I feel like they know us well enough to know then I'll tell them. My rental company knows & a few friends know. Everyone from my home town knows, it's a small town.

(e.g. of someone I didn't tell...I had a temporary coworker ask me once - I just gave her a weird look, laughed & walked away. It was,  after all, none of her business..the woman had heard it as a rumor, she barely knew my name.)

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It's not a secret, it's simply not everyone's business. It is not a factor in my life. Why make it one?

KC said it perfectly!!

My husband and I don't go around shouting it to the world, or to strangers.  But if asked how we met or how long we've known each other, then I do tell. My husband isn't ashamed of it but isn't quite as me either. He's told friends and co-workers, but not strangers who ask about us, there's where he looks at me and I'm usually the one to blurt it out and make light of the subject. In fact, majority of the people we've told have opened up and admitted to either having a crush on a cousin of theirs at one point or another, and some have even mentioned they know a cousin couple. Most in which have been together/married for years! Which honestly makes me happy to hear!:)

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